


we were wild and fluorescent (come home to my heart)

by freckledrob



Series: moon shining, sun rising (you're the one i wanna wake up to) [1]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Flashbacks, Letters, M/M, Reunion 3.0, Reunions, Slow Burn, anyways i love making myself emotional over robron, well it's canon compliant until aaron leaves for scotland
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:54:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 32,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22396639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckledrob/pseuds/freckledrob
Summary: “I! Didn’t! Care! I needed you, Robert! You! My husband!” They’ve probably woken up most of the village at this point but Aaron doesn’t care. “You were in every part of my life one day and the next it was like you forgot that I even existed!”He pauses. Then, “How do you fall out of love that quick?”Robert’s head snaps back up to face Aaron.robert sugden returns to emmerdale and his ex-husband aaron dingle has complicated feelings about the matter. however, they'll have to figure out how to work things out because after all, it's a small village.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden, Liv Flaherty/Gabby Thomas, Victoria Sugden/Matty Barton
Series: moon shining, sun rising (you're the one i wanna wake up to) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1720405
Comments: 96
Kudos: 230





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay so this is a different version of a reunion for robron that i imagine could happen for if/when ryan returns as our beloved robert.  
> title is from "supercut" by lorde.  
> -eb

**_5 april, 2021_ **

It’s raining.

It’s raining and Aaron doesn’t have an umbrella.

It’s raining and Aaron doesn’t have an umbrella but Robert’s back.

It’s raining and Aaron doesn’t have an umbrella but Robert’s back and _he doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing._

All Aaron knows is he’s going wherever his feet lead him and right now they’re taking him straight to the front door of Keepers Cottage.

He knocks once, twice, three times.

Victoria answers and her eyes widen for a moment before smiling gently. “Do you want to come in?”

He shakes his head. He doesn’t. He doesn’t know what he’s doing but he doesn’t want to go in.

“Rob,” She calls out softly behind her, “I think it’s for you.”

“I’ll wait out here.”

“Aaron it’s freezing and it’s dark and-”

He backs up. “I’d rather be out here.”

She squeezes his arm, “Alright. I’ll just send him out then.”

She closes the door and he thinks about making a run for it. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. He turns around to leave when he hears a voice. _His_ voice.

“ _Hey._ ”

He turns around slowly. He can feel his hands shaking where they’re stuffed in the pockets of his jacket.

And there he is. A few years older and in need of a good long rest, but he’s here. Robert Sugden is standing in front of Aaron Dingle for the first time in a long time.

Their eyes meet and suddenly Aaron can’t hear the rain anymore. He can’t see Keepers Cottage. Everything in his body is focusing on Robert and only Robert.

In that moment, they’re drawn back together. No force in the universe could stop it from happening.

Robert’s mouth hits Aaron’s with enough energy to light up the whole town. His hands travel up his arms and land on his neck, thumbs stroking Aaron’s cheeks. Aaron presses harder against Robert’s lips, desperate to make this moment last, when he’s pushed away.

“No.”

“Wha- _No?_ ”

Aaron runs his finger across his bottom lip, warm despite the cold outside, thanks to Robert.

“This is not happening. It… it can’t.”

“Says who?” Aaron feels all of his emotions swirl in his stomach before climbing up to his heart and taking hold.

Robert runs a hand through his hair. It’s longer now, Aaron notes, like back when the two of them were just an affair. Not that they were ever _really_ just an affair.

“Says me, Aaron,” Robert shakes his head, as if trying to shake himself awake, “I can’t- We can’t…”

“Then what the hell was that, Robert?”

The older man shrugs, “I don’t know. I- I don’t know but it shouldn’t have happened. It can’t.”

“Have you met someone?”

“What?”

Aaron blinks back tears, desperate not to cry. “I said, have you met someone?”

Robert scoffs, “Don’t be daft. As if I could.”

“Well it’s not like you have a husband anymore.” The words come out like venom. He hadn’t felt so bitter about their divorce in quite a while but now, with Robert standing in front of him, he couldn’t help but feel angry.

“I… I did that for you.” Robert lets out a shaky breath. “So you could move on, Aaron. Find someone else. Someone better.”

The wind picks up, rustling the wet leaves on the street and blowing Aaron’s hood around behind his head. He can feel the cold on his skin again.

“I didn’t want anyone else! I just wanted my husband but you didn’t even give us a chance!” Aaron takes a deep breath, ignoring the tears beginning to spill onto his cheeks. “I would’ve waited for you! No matter how long!”

Robert rolls his eyes, “Oh come on, Aaron! What kind of life is that? If it’s even a life at all!”

He clenches his fists, skin somehow still soft despite the years inside, and looks down at the ground.

“I couldn’t drag you down with me!”

“I! Didn’t! Care! I needed you, Robert! _You!_ My _husband!_ ” They’ve probably woken up most of the village at this point but Aaron doesn’t care. “You were in every part of my life one day and the next it was like you forgot that I even existed!”

He pauses. Then, “How do you fall out of love that quick?”

Robert’s head snaps back up to face Aaron.

“Don’t fucking say that. I never stopped loving you, Aaron. Ever.” He’s mad. Furious, even. “But I can’t be the person you deserve. I let you go to give you another chance. So take it. Because I can’t be worthy of your love.”

Robert turns and opens the door before looking back over his shoulder.

“I want to be your friend, if you’ll have me. But I can’t let myself ruin you again.”

Then he goes back inside, leaving Aaron in the street to mix his tears with the rain.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the events that take place right before chapter one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i've decided to make this into a chaptered fic! there will be flashbacks a lot to fill in the blanks of things that happened before the first chapter. i hope you'll enjoy!!!  
> -eb

**_flashback: earlier that night (5 april, 2021)_ **

“Seb, please will you just eat your vegetables?”

Deep down, Aaron knows it’s no use. Seb’s been in a defiant mood all day. Any other time he would be proud of his son’s stubbornness but right now, he just wants him to eat.

" _Sebastian._ " His voice is more stern now. “Eat them or you’ll only get one story tonight.”

The little redhead’s eyes widen and he pouts his lip. “Not fair!”

“ _All_ you have to do is eat your veggies, monkey, that’s literally all I’m asking.”

Liv laughs from where she’s lounging on the couch, “You’re not making much progress there, big brother.”

He sends her a glare and she happily gives him a cheeky grin in response. “Think you can do better? Be my guest.”

Truth be told, if one of them was going to be able to get Seb to eat when he’s in a mood, it’d be Liv. Aaron’s great at most everything when it comes to the three year old, but when Seb’s feeling extra stubborn it only fuels Aaron’s stubbornness and they’re left at a standstill for ages until someone else (usually Liv) steps in.

Liv dramatically cracks her knuckles before sauntering over to the table and plopping down where Aaron had been sitting. “Alright little man, let’s show daddy how it’s done, yeah?”

Seb furrows his eyebrows in a mixture of orneriness and confusion as to what his aunt has planned.

“If you want, we can watch an episode of something once you’ve cleared your plate.” She nudges his plate closer to him and gestures for him to pick up his fork.

“Thomas?”

Aaron watches in awe as Liv shrugs and tells him, “If you do as your told.”

He’s not sure he’ll ever get over how amazing she is with him.

Seb’s halfway through his vegetables when both Aaron and Liv’s phones ding.

“Uh… weird” Liv gets up to go get her phone from where she’d left it on the coffee table.

Aaron shrugs and reaches for his own in his pocket, “Could be Mum in need of a babysitter or sommat.”

Liv reads her screen before Aaron does and goes silent, only quickly glancing at Aaron before looking at her phone again.

“What is it? My phone was turned off so it’s taking a minute.”

“Um, it’s…” Liv bites the inside of her cheek, “It’s from Victoria. About Rob. He’s back.”

Aaron almost drops his phone but manages to catch it.

Truth be told, they knew Robert would be getting out of jail soon. He had to be, after it was discovered that he hadn’t actually killed Lee. They just hadn’t known when.

“Like… _back_ back?” Aaron tries to control the shaking he feels in his hands, “Or just out of prison?”

“He’s at Keepers now.”

_Oh._

“I’m done!” Seb exclaims with a grin, reminding the siblings that they aren’t alone. And that Seb is very much Robert’s son, as well as Aaron’s.

“Right, well we better get that _Thomas the Train_ episode on, yeah?” Liv sends Aaron a look that tells him to play it cool. They don’t want Seb to get confused before he has to.

But Aaron can’t breathe. He needs to get out of the house. He needs to… well he doesn’t know exactly what he needs to do but it’s not going to be here.

“I’m going out. I need air.”

Liv looks over at him, concerned. “It’s raining, Aaron.”

“I’ll wear a jacket. And I’ll be careful.” He can feel his breathing getting harder. “I just- I _need_ to go outside.”

She nods.

And so he leaves, entering the downpour in the night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert is reunited with liv and meets harry. then he goes to the cemetery, where he runs into aaron.  
> in a flashback, we learn how aaron ends up being in seb's life again.

**_6 april, 2021_ **

Robert wakes up that morning in a panic before remembering he’s staying at Keepers Cottage.

How is it that _everything_ always ends up with him staying at his little sister’s house?

Well... he knows how. It’s his inability to not mess something up.

Speaking of messing up, the memories of last night come flooding back to him.

The feeling of Aaron’s lips against his. The pain in Robert’s chest as he pushed him away. The way he knew he was doing the right thing but he had to force the words to not get stuck in his throat. Aaron’s broken voice telling him that he needed him. It all hit him like a train.

“Rob?” Victoria’s voice carries up the stairs and interrupts his thoughts. “Are you up?”

Robert shoves on a pair of jeans and a jumper. “Yeah, I’ll be down in just a minute!”

He leads himself down the stairs to find a blur of long blonde hair throwing herself at him.

Liv.

“I’ve missed you, Rob.” Liv’s voice is tearful and muffled against his chest and Robert can’t help but squeeze tight against the nineteen year old.

When she pulls away, she wipes at her eyes with an embarrassed laugh, clearly she didn’t expect to get so emotional.

He just looks at her for a moment. How she’s grown so much in just under two years. His sister.

“I’ve missed you too,” He finally manages to get the words out, “And I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. When you-”

When she got diagnosed with epilepsy. The thing she was most scared of happening when he went inside.

She gives him a shrug. “It’s not all bad. It’s rough at times, but I’m getting by.”

He smiles, “Course you are. You’ve always been strong.”

Victoria clears her throat. “Sorry to interrupt, but someone wants to meet their uncle.”

Harry had been asleep when Robert had arrived last night. But now he was awake, albeit barely, and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with chubby little fists.

“Hiya mate,” Robert grins, lightly shaking one of Harry’s fists. “I’m your Uncle Robert. I haven’t been around much, but that’s going to change now.”

The one year old smiles but curls closer into Victoria, unsure of the new man.

“Don’t worry about it,” Victoria shuffles Harry so he’s more secure on her hip, “You’ll just have to get to know each other better, won’t you?”

Robert smiles, “Course we will.”

He had to admit, he was a bit nervous about seeing his nephew. There were a million different factors that led to that feeling but in the end, Harry just reminds him of his amazing little sister.

“Aaron’s been an amazing uncle, you know,” Vic mentions. She’s testing the waters, Robert can see it in her eyes. She’s trying to figure how he’ll react to Aaron’s name being mentioned.

“Well, I’ll have to thank him for that,” Robert smiles gently, it’s a little forced but not completely.

“And I’ll have to thank him for taking Seb in,” Robert says with a sigh, “I can’t even imagine what that was like.”

Liv shrugs, “He’s his kid. He was doing what any of us would do.”

She pauses, thinking, before saying, “I’ll try and get him over to see you soon. Or maybe we could go to the park or something? Get everyone acquainted.”

“I’d like that.” Robert’s trying not to cry. He can’t. Not now. He doesn’t get to be upset about missing out.

“I’m just-” He starts, “I’m gonna go out for a bit.”

Victoria raises an eyebrow so Robert clarifies, “I’m just gonna go to the cemetery. Say hello.”

***

He stops by Grace’s grave first. He feels like he needs to.

“Hey Grace, it’s Robert. I know it’s been awhile but I’ve been away. You’ve got a little sister now, which is great.”

He sighs. “You probably don’t like me very much after what I did to your big brother. That’s fine. I don’t like me much either.”

He crouches down to the ground, “I’ll see you around Grace.”

Next stop, Sarah Sugden.

“Hiya Mum,” Robert sniffs. “I’ve uh, spent a lot of time thinking about you. About what you would think of me.”

He chuckles, “Probably would’ve only messed up half as much. I wish you were here. Not so much for me, but for Vic. And Harry. And Seb.”

“Anyways, I just wanted to say hello.” He places a hand on the headstone. “I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

He turns and sees Aaron walking towards the cemetery. They both freeze for a moment before Aaron turns to walk away.

“Please don’t leave on my account,” Robert calls out to him, “I’m just leaving anyways.”

Aaron turns around again but doesn’t meet Robert’s eyes, just stalks past Robert. Or tries to at least. Robert puts a hand on his arm.

Aaron tenses and Robert quickly releases him. “Sorry, I- I’m sorry.”

There’s a silence before Robert breaks it. “I just wanted to say thank you. For looking after Seb. And Vic and Harry.”

Aaron just looks at him, jaw set like stone.

“I… I hurt you. You didn’t owe me or my family anything.” Robert stuffs his hands in his coat pockets. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that you didn’t have to do that but you did and I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”

Robert knows he’s said something wrong because Aaron’s got that look on his face. One he’s seen loads of times before.

“ _Didn’t have to?_ ” Aaron glares him down. “They’re _my family too._ Whether you’re here or not.”

The words stab into him like a thousand daggers.

“Seb’s my son, no matter what happens,” Aaron states. “You being gone will never change that.”

*

**_flashback: about a year prior (7 may, 2020)_ **

To say Aaron was excited would be an understatement.

While in Scotland, Rebecca had called him and told him she was sorry for the way she acted and that she didn’t want Seb to have to lose both his dads. She had also mentioned that she’d been feeling stressed out at the time and her mood swings had been crazier than normal so she hadn’t been thinking properly. Which, to be honest, Aaron understood. It wasn’t like he was known as the village’s go-to sane man.

Anyways, she had told him that he could stop by on his way back to the village and there was no way he was going to pass up that opportunity.

Scotland had been great for the three and a half months he’d been there, but he’s ready to go home. The time he spent with Zak, Debbie, and Jack had been what he needed to let his mind and body relax for a bit. Of course, he still misses Robert and reckons he always will, but he’s in a much better place now.

Which is why when he knocks on Ross and Rebecca’s door, he’s in the best mood he’s had in months.

Although it does drop a bit when he sees the state of Rebecca after she opens the door.

Her hair is half up, half down, but not in the way he’s seen the women around the village do it. No, this is more of a “I tried to do a ponytail but this is as good as it’s going to get.”

She looks tired. And frantic. And on the verge of tears.

And there’s several suitcases by the door.

“Rebecca?” Aaron gently taps her shoulder. “Rebecca, are you alright?”

“I’m-” She takes a deep breath. “Well, no, I’m not. Not exactly.”

Just then Seb toddles around the corner and upon seeing Aaron, dashes towards him as fast as his little legs will carry him.

“Da!”

Aaron hoists the tiny ginger onto his hip and presses a kiss to his hair before turning back to Rebecca.

“Are you- are you moving?”

Another deep breath. “Yes. Well, no. I’m not. He is.”

Aaron raises an eyebrow.

“He’s going back to the village with you. To be under yours and Vic’s care.”

Upon Aaron’s confused look she seems to realize she didn’t run any of this by him and searches around for her notebook.

“I could’ve sworn I called- _Aha!_ ” She picks up the memory book from a pile and flips through it, her face falling when she lands on the page she was looking for. “And now I see that I only called Vic yesterday, not both of you. I’m so sorry, my mind has been… everywhere and nowhere lately.”

“What’s happened, Rebecca?” He looks around. “And where’s Ross?”

He knows he should be happy that he’ll have Seb back in the village, and he is. But more than anything, he’s concerned.

Rebecca huffs, her face forming a scowl. “Now _that,_ I remember.”

She sits down on the couch and it’s the most defeated he’s seen her in a long time.

“I just- I thought things were gonna be good with him! And they were… for a while.” She takes her hair down and runs her fingers through it. “Until he spent all of my money.”

Aaron knows his eyes are probably the size of saucers. “He- he _what?_ ”

“We were doing alright, you know. Just the three of us. We were happy and I was doing great Aaron, I promise I really was.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything, just nods and listens. He sits down next to her and maneuvers Seb so that he’s sitting on his lap, playing with his dad’s hoodie strings.

“We were doing well financially with what I had already and with what Ross was bringing in.” Rebecca bites her cheek and flips through her notebook, double checking her memories. “I thought that was enough… I thought _we_ were enough.”

She strokes Seb’s hair with a sad smile on her face.

“But he wanted more. He wanted a bigger house.” She sighs and it’s even more clear now how exhausted she is. “So he got ahold of a large sum of my money. And he bet it all on a stupid, risky investment. All without me knowing, of course.”

Aaron knew Ross was daft. Everyone did, really. But to pull a move like that?

“He lost it all, naturally,” She says, frustration burning on the tip of her tongue. “And obviously I lost it with him. How could I not? It was _my_ money!

“I think what hurt the most was that he _knew_ he could get the money. It’s not like it’s that hard to pull a fast one on a woman with brain damage.” She sniffs and Aaron hands her a tissue, which she thanks him for before continuing, “So, after a lot of arguing, I kicked him out. I couldn’t let him be that reckless when we have a child to look after! Plus he’d already screwed us over now so that we were barely getting by, so I wasn’t about to let him make things worse.”

“How long ago was this?” Aaron asks and Rebecca knows he wants to know how long it’s been just her and Seb.

“Um… about a month and a half ago, I think?”

She quickly continues upon seeing the concerned look on Aaron’s face, “But I still had the nanny for about a month! And then… well I couldn’t afford her anymore.”

She takes a deep breath. “I wanted to make things work. To prove to everyone that I could look after my own child but- but…”

Rebecca starts to sob, “I can’t do it, Aaron! I want to, so badly. But I just can’t!”

Aaron pulls her in and lets her rest her head on his shoulder, “Shhh… It’s alright, you wanted to try, no one can fault you for that.”

“This stuff with Ross just re-messed everything up in my brain,” She wipes at her eyes with the sleeves of her jumper. “I can’t think straight, not for very long. He needs to be with you and Vic and Diane now, that’s the only thing I can be certain of right now. He _needs you,_ Aaron.”

He squeezes her shoulder. “And you’ll work on getting yourself better, yeah?”

She nods, sniffing again. “Whatever it takes.”

***

Rebecca helps Aaron fasten Seb into his carseat and presses a tear-mixed kiss to her son’s forehead before closing the car door.

She turns to face Aaron and looks at him guiltily. “I know I probably don’t deserve to ask this, after the way I’ve acted in the past, but-”

“Rebecca, I’m not taking him away from you.” He knew what she was going to say before the words left her mouth. Of course that’s what she’s worried about.

Relief floods her face and Aaron continues, “I know I could. I could act bitter and drive off and that’d be that. But I know how I’ve felt, and how you must’ve felt. And really, despite everything, I don’t want you to feel like that. Ever.”

He takes a deep breath before continuing, “Plus, he’s already lost his dad. He doesn’t need to lose you too.”

She lets out a small, grateful sob and pulls Aaron in for an awkward hug. “Thank you. For all that you’re doing for him, and me. You’ve always treated me better than I probably deserve.”

“You’re not a bad person, Rebecca. Not in a longshot.” They pull apart. “Yes, you’ve made mistakes, but so have I. So has everyone. That doesn’t mean we don’t deserve good things.”

She smiles and squeezes his hand gently. “You take care of yourselves, yeah?”

Aaron nods, getting into the car and encouraging Seb to wave to his mum.

It all feels bittersweet, of course it does, but he’s got his son back now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really just wrote almost 2x as much as chapter 1 & 2 put together huh?  
> anyways, sorry ross for throwing u under the bus bub, but i was not about to villainize my girl bex...  
> -eb


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rob reunites with seb and gets a job offer

**_9 april, 2021_ **

“You sure you don’t wanna come?” Liv’s voice calls out. She’s kneeling in front of Seb and zipping up the three year old’s jacket.

Aaron sighs, “As sure as the last time you asked.”

Seb tugs his bobble hat onto his head. “Daddy Robert’s nice, right?”

Liv chuckles softly. “You don’t need to worry about that, Seb.”

Seb shrugs. “Just askin’”

“He’s excited to see you, Seb,” Aaron smiles, and yeah, it’s a little forced but the toddler can’t tell. “Best not keep him waiting.”

“Right, let’s go then, yeah?” Liv extends her hand to her nephew and he takes it.

Aaron slumps onto the sofa as soon as the door closes. This is harder than he thought it’d be. The days following his and Robert’s encounter at the cemetery had felt long and draining. Aaron had decided to avoid Robert all together. He knows he can’t ignore him forever, but for today, he can.

***

“Robert will you stop fretting?” Victoria calls from the kitchen. “He’s three, he’s not exactly gonna turn you away.”

“I’ve been away for over a year though, what if he doesn’t remember me?”

Victoria shakes her head in exasperation as she enters the living room. “He’s seen pictures and heard stories.”

She turns to where Matty sits on the sofa with Harry, “Babe, tell him it’ll be fine.”

Matty laughs, “Mate, honestly, Seb’s a good kid and he’s excited to see you. He was babbling on to Isaac about this yesterday.”

“Yeah?” Robert relaxes a bit, only to tense again when there’s a knock at the door. Victoria squeezes his shoulder.

“You’re his dad, Rob, it’ll all be okay.”

She goes to open the door and greet Liv and Seb.

“Hey guys!”

“Hi Auntie Vic!” The voice is young, but still much more grown up than the last time he’d heard it.

Seb and Liv walk into the living room and Robert has to hold back tears. His little boy has grown so much in a year.

The room is silent for a moment until Seb speaks up.

“Hi,” He smiles shyly at Robert, holding on tight to Liv’s hand and swinging their arms.

Liv squeezes his hand gently before nudging him towards Robert, who kneels down on the ground in front of him.

“Hey, um,” Robert takes a deep breath. “I know you might not remember me very well, but-”

“You’re Daddy Robert,” Seb finishes for him.

Robert blinks and feels a tear run down his cheek. “Yeah mate, I am.”

Seb tilts his head in confusion. “Why are you crying?”

Robert laughs softly and cups Seb’s face in his hands.

“It’s just _so_ good to see you.”

Maybe there are still good things for Robert to hold onto.

*

**_12 april 2021_ **

“Let’s hope all that time inside hasn’t cramped your style, eh?” Jimmy’s voice booms behind Robert in the cafe.

Refraining from rolling his eyes, Robert instead gives Jimmy an unamused look.

“Sorry… that was a bit insensitive, wasn’t it?”

Robert does roll his eyes this time.

“What do you want, Jimmy?”

Jimmy awkwardly clears his throat before speaking again. “Well, you see, Nicola and I were talking and well, we think it’d be great if you came back to work at Home James.”

“I don’t know Jimmy…” Robert trails off, not meeting Jimmy’s eyes.

“Why not? You’re a brilliant businessman and a good friend of ours. The portacabin needs you back.”

Robert sighs. “That’s just it though, isn’t it? The portacabin.”

Jimmy looks at him confused for a moment, before it clicks.

“Because of Aaron.”

“Yeah, I don’t know if he’d be okay with it. We aren’t exactly on great terms.”

Jimmy offers a supportive smile. “Surely he’ll understand that you’re in need of a job though.”

Robert doesn’t say anything.

“Well,” Jimmy claps him on the back, “Just think about it, yeah? You deserve to get back to your old life.

Robert has to hold himself back from responding in the way his mind is thinking.

_Do I?_

***

Robert stands at the door of Mill Cottage for about five minutes, trying to decide whether to knock or not.

_Come on, Sugden,_ He thinks to himself, _Just knock on the door. You used to live here. It doesn’t have to be a big deal._

He laughs dryly. _Yeah, you lived here. Before you messed everything up._

_Fuck it._

He knocks once. Then twice. Then stops. He hardly wants to be a bother.

He hears movement and then sees an Aaron shaped person beyond the glass come into view and unlock the door and open it.

“Robert.” Aaron looks taken aback. Like he was caught off guard. But also like he’s been working out. His curls are plastered to his forehead and he’s got his hands wrapped like he usually does when he boxes.

“Um… hi,” Robert shakes himself out of his hyperfixation on his ex-husband. “Sorry if I’m bothering you, I just- wanted to run something by you, if that’s alright.”

Aaron blinks and steps aside, “Yeah, sure. Uh, come on in.”

Robert walks into the flat, slow and cautious. He remembers the last time he was here. He thinks he could recite those last few moments from memory if asked. They were his last moments in the place that made him feel more at home than any other place he’d ever lived in.

“What’d ya wanna run past me?” Aaron’s voice breaks through his memories and brings him back to reality.

“Right. Jimmy came to me in the caf earlier.”

Aaron raises an eyebrow. “And?””

“And he offered me my old job back,” Robert states. “Which means…”

“You working in the portacabin again. Aka working with me. Again.”

Robert nods. “I figured I’d talk to you before I agreed to anything. I- I don’t want to cause you any more grief, so if that’s not something you’re comfortable with, I’ll find something else.”

Aaron scoffs, “Pretty optimistic for a convict.”

His tone changes when he sees Robert’s face fall. “Sorry, I didn’t- I just meant that Home James is probably your best bet.”

Robert shrugs the apology off. Not in a rude way, just in the kind of way that shows Aaron that he’s pretending he’s not bothered.

“Work at Home James. It’ll be weird, yeah, but we don’t even have to work at the same times.”

Something lights up behind Robert’s eyes. “Yeah? Because I really don’t-”

Aaron cuts him off, he can’t take Robert being so kind. Not when he wants him so much.

“Robert, just go call Jimmy and take the job. Before I change my mind.”

They look at each other in silence and Aaron seriously has to refrain from taking the four steps it would take to close the gap between them. But Robert’s made it clear how he feels. Even if Aaron hates that with every fiber of his being.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a letter never sent

**_flashback (20 december 2020)_ **

“I’m home!” Liv walks through the front door to find Aaron laying down on the couch, looking at a picture. “What’s up?”

Aaron sighs, holding the photo towards her. “Just this.”

She swallows hard when she looks at it. It’s from Robert and Aaron’s second wedding, just the four of them. She used to look at it after Seb went to Liverpool and miss the little redhead. And now he’s back, but Robert’s gone. They just couldn’t win.

“I just…” Aaron rubs at the bridge of his nose. “I dunno. I-”

“You don’t have to explain.” Liv hands the photo back with a small smile. “I get it. I miss him too. I miss what we used to have.”

Aaron bites his cheek and nods.

“I just… you know sometimes I go to get the post and a part of me is still hoping to find a letter from him.” He looks over to her. “Is that delusional? That I’m still hoping that he hasn’t completely given up on us?”

Liv shakes her head. She’d never tell him, but she’s always hoping too.

*

**_flashback: the first letter (13 december 2019)_ **

_Dear Aaron,_

_There’s no easy way to start this. I don’t even know if this letter will leave this cell. Probably not. It’s best if I just let you go and live your life in peace. Without having to worry about me._

_I am sorry for what I’ve done. For cutting you off. I know you’ll be mad, but I can deal with that. Maybe you’ll hate me, but I can deal with that too. I’ve dealt with it before, eh? I just want you to be able to move on with your life. To be happy. I want that for everyone, but mainly you. I don’t want to be the weight dragging you down and keeping you from experiencing the world. That’d kill me more than anything in this place could._

_I’m alright, by the way. It’s depressing as all, but you know that already. But the other guys don’t seem to bother me too much, I don’t think I’m exactly high on their list of targets._

_I miss you. And Vic. and Liv. and Seb. and Diane. I miss everyone. But mostly you. I want to be with you, I hope at least some part of you knows that, despite what I’ve done. I want more than anything to be back to our version of normal. But we can’t. I hope you can get that all again with someone else. Because you deserve it, Aaron. You deserve so much better._

_I’ll never have all of the right words to say, but I guess I’ll end the letter with this:_

_I love you,_

_Robert_

***

Robert signs his name with a sigh. He knows he’ll never send any letters to Aaron, he can’t. He can’t have Aaron waiting for him for fourteen fucking years instead of being able to move on and live a happy, Robert- free life.

But maybe writing to him isn’t completely out of the question.

*

**_12 april 2021_ **

Robert walks back to Victoria’s in silence. Sure, he’s glad to have his old job back, but what if it’s too much? Too much for him? Too much for Aaron? Robert wishes there was some easy way to make things… well, easier. Robert knows what he wants to do, but he shouldn’t. He can’t. Not when there’s the chance things will get broken all over again.

He walks in through the front door and up the stairs of Keepers Cottage without more than a hello to Vic and Matty. He can’t focus on pleasantries right now.

Robert makes a beeline for the top right drawer of the dresser in the guest room, his temporary (maybe? hopefully) home. He opens it and looks at the many, many stacks of paper that lie inside. He picks up a stack with the top paper dated “21 February 2020” and addressed “Dear Aaron.”

And he starts to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this letter to aaron is the first of many btw ;)  
> -eb


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> of portacabins and pubs and playdates

**_15 april 2021_ **

Robert finds himself holding his breath as he enters the scrapyard portacabin. He thinks it’s ridiculous that he’s overthinking all these little things but he still finds himself doing it. Everything that had to do with his life before prison just makes him start to panic because, deep down, he doesn’t know if he can be that guy anymore. He doesn’t even know exactly what kind of guy he is at all. Is he still that cunning businessman everyone seemed to know? Robert supposes only time will tell.

“See? Just as you left it!” Jimmy has apparently been talking for some time now, but Robert had been tuning him out. At least that’s something that hasn’t changed. He continues, “Well, it’s a bit busier now that Aaron’s got more help, but at least there’s never a dull moment with this lot!”

Robert forces himself to laugh alongside Jimmy, who gives him a quick pat on the back before turning to Dawn.

“Robert, you remember Dawn?”

Robert and Dawn share a look that can’t really be explained to Jimmy. How does one explain that yes, they do know each other, but that’s mainly because at one point Robert tried to pay Dawn to catch out his sister’s rapist?

“Uh, yeah, we met once or twice,” is what ends up leaving Robert’s mouth.

Jimmy seems to be fine with that answer and leaves them to go to a meeting.

Dawn laughs as soon as the door closes behind him. “Has he ever been even remotely normal?”

Robert grins. “Not to my knowledge. But then again, who is, these days?”

“Suppose you’ve got a point.”

They both turn back to their paperwork for a bit, but eventually Robert finds himself needing a break.

“So… how did you end up working here? For Aaron.”

Dawn shrugs, “I overheard Ellis and Matty talking about how Aaron was in need of a few extra hands and I figured Aaron seemed like a good bloke to work for, so why not at least see if there was something I can do?”

Something in Robert’s heart swelled at the idea of people coming together to help Aaron. It was nice to know that people think Aaron’s worth taking a chance on, because of course he is, he’s Aaron.

*

**_flashback (13 june 2020)_ **

Aaron sits Seb on top of the bar, standing directly against the counter to create a barrier, as his mother greets him.

“Hello love,” She smiles at him and then Seb, “And hello sweetheart!”

The two year old offers a shy smile, still trying to get used to the routine of being back in the village full time. Aaron runs his hand down the back of Seb’s hair to comfort him.

“You not working today?” Paddy pops out from the back, Eve in his arms.

“Oh no, I am, but not until this afternoon.” Aaron sighs. “I don’t know for how much longer I’ll be able to do this though.”

“What? Work?” Chas raises an eyebrow and Aaron nods in response.

Paddy looks equally confused. “Why wouldn’t you be able to work?”

“Well it’s just a lot, isn’t it? Considering I’m on my own and after my several month break it’s not like I have that many clients left.”

“But surely you can get them back?” Paddy says. “Or get new ones?”

Aaron shrugs, “Sure, maybe. But then I’m still doing several people’s jobs at once. I can’t break down the scrap metal _and_ do scrap runs _and_ do the paperwork _and_ run the yard. At least not well.”

He continues, “I don’t want to shut the place down, I really don’t. To shut it down feels like shutting down a piece of Adam… and a piece of Robert.” He chooses to ignore the look Paddy and his mum give each other at the mention of his ex-husband.

Just then, Matty clears his throat. Aaron’s not sure how long he’s been standing there. “I hate to interrupt, but can I get another, Chas?”

“Oh, yes of course, sorry.” Chas takes his glass.

“How’s he doing?” Matty nods to Seb, who curls in closer to Aaron.

Aaron picks him up off the bar counter. “Just trying to adjust, I guess. It all feels a bit new to him.”

Matty smiles at the redhead. “I’m sure he’ll be running laps around us in no time.”

Seb smiles back and it’s the most genuine smile anyone other than Aaron, Liv, or Victoria has gotten.

“Hey, I think he likes you. He doesn’t just smile that big at every guy he meets.”

“Well, I’m sure you and I can be buds, can’t we mate? And if your dad is up for it, I’m sure we can see about getting Isaac and you together for a playdate.” Matty looks back to Aaron. “It’d be good to get him some friends his age in the village.”

Aaron nods. “Yeah, of course. Thanks Matty.”

*

**_flashback (15 june 2020)_ **

Seb’s hesitant at first about playing with Isaac. They’re in the Mill and it’s clear that Isaac is much more outgoing than Seb. He babbles on to no one in particular and plays animatedly with the toys on the floor while Seb sits on one of Aaron’s knees and moves his stuffed giraffe gently across his other leg.

“You can go play with him, yunno,” Aaron whispers in his ear but the toddler just shakes his head.

“He won’t bite, I promise,” Matty says. “Well… I hope he won’t.”

Aaron laughs, “Never know with his parents.”

“Cain and Moira,” Matty sighs, “Mate never stood a chance.”

Isaac looks up to his brother in confusion but clearly decides there’s nothing worth stopping playing for and starts rolling his truck around the living room.

Matty shakes his head and turns so that he’s directly facing Aaron. “So… I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Aaron shifts Seb to his other knee.

“Go for it.”

“I overheard you in the pub the other day,” Matty starts. “About how you need help or you’re going to have to shut the scrapyard down. That was my brother’s business too, right?”

Aaron looks slightly flustered, but nods. “Unfortunately, yeah. It’s become too much for one person.”

“I can only imagine…” Matty trails off.

“It’s times like these where I really miss him, ya know?” Aaron sighs. “Even though he drove me up the wall most days, there’s not a lot I wouldn’t give to go back to that.”

Matty nods, biting the inside of his lip. “I think about him a lot. About how much he’s missing. About how he’s never even gotten to meet me. Well, the real me.”

Aaron gives him a small smile. A sign of understanding.

“He’d think you’re amazing, there’s no doubt about that, Matty,” Aaron says. “He’d be dead proud of the way you’ve handled the rubbish you’ve dealt with.”

In a moment of silence, Seb hops off Aaron’s leg to go sit next to Isaac, who hands him a stuffed dragon with a grin. The boys play quietly, blissfully unaware of the conversation Aaron and Matty are having.

“I hope so.” Matty finally answers. “And I really hope there’s an answer to your problems at the scrapyard. I’d hate to see that go when it has so much meaning to you and Adam.”

Aaron lets out a deep breath. “You and me both.”

*

**_flashback (20 june 2020)_ **

There’s a knock on the portacabin door, making Aaron look up from the paperwork covering his desk.

“Come in!”

The door opens and Ellis, Matty, and Dawn step in one by one.

Aaron raises an eyebrow. “Can I help you?”

“I’ve been doing some more thinking…” Matty says. “About how you need help around here.”

Aaron raises an eyebrow. “And?”

“I wanna work here,” Matty states. “I don’t wanna see yours and Adam’s work go down like this.”

“And I’d be happy to come back and help out,” Ellis adds. “If I’m honest, I’ve missed this place.”

Aaron looks over to Dawn. He’s rarely even spoken to her, although he thinks she’s nice enough.

“And you?”

“I overheard the two of them talking about this. You seem like a good person. And a good boss.” She shrugs. “Haven’t had a lot of those and I needed a job anyways.”

She continues, “I’m probably no good at scrap in terms of the physical stuff, but I can handle the logistics and all that.”

Aaron runs his eyes of the three people standing in front of him and sighs. “I’m not going to be able to pay much. Not at first. And not if this doesn’t help the business.”

“Then we’ll build it back up,” Matty says. “It’s like I told ya, I’d hate to see everything you and my brother did with this place go down the drain.”

Aaron admits to himself that it _is_ a decent idea. And he _really_ does want to keep the scrapyard up and running.

“Alright,” He stands up. “Let’s give this a shot.”

Anything to keep hold of the memories.

*

**_15 april 2021_ **

Aaron had decided to stop by his mum’s for tea after dropping Seb off at Vic’s. He’d texted Liv to know where to find him and to let her know that she’s welcome to join them but hadn’t heard a response back.

“So…” Chas sits a cup on the table in front of Aaron. “How are you doing with all this?”

Aaron furrows his brows. “With all what?”

Paddy sits down. “About the… Robert situation.”

Aaron feels his stomach drop but he pushes the feeling aside. “It’s not a _situation._ He’s back. I’m dealing with it. It’s fine.”

“Probably for the best that you just leave each other be,” Chas comments. “You’ll be happier that way.”

_Oh, because I’ve been **so** happy without him,_ he thinks.

“Yeah, you don’t need to get entangled in all… in all _that_ again.” Paddy agrees with his mum. Of course he does.

_Except I want to be._

“Well,” Aaron takes a sip from his cup and puts it back down, “It’s going to be pretty hard to avoid him, considering we share a son and he’s working at Home James again.”

“He’s what?” Chas looks bewildered. “He can’t just do that!”

Aaron gives her a confused look. “Except he can? He’s allowed to have a job.”

“He should be giving you space, after all the grief he’s caused you.”

Aaron rolls his eyes, “Well I think he’s given me more than enough space over the past year.”

“And besides,” He adds, “He ran it by me first. Didn’t want to make things awkward.”

Paddy shakes his head. “I can’t believe he’s trying to sink his claws in again so soon.”

“You’d think he’d know the best thing to do is just leave you out of his mess completely,” Chas huffs.

Aaron bites the inside of his cheek. He should’ve known they’d be overdramatic about the whole thing.

“Well, I’m not going to control what he does,” He pushes away from the table. “I’m gonna use the loo. Be right back.”

It’s not thirty seconds after Aaron heads up the stairs that Liv comes in through the door.

“Oh, Liv!” Chas greets her. “We were wondering if you’d be joining us!”

She cuts straight to the chase. “I heard you. Talking about Robert.”

Paddy’s face flushes. “Yes, w-well…”

“He just got out of prison, he’s trying to get his life back, and you want to act like he’s the scum of the earth?”

“All he does is end up hurting Aaron,” Chas says. She’s trying to stare Liv down but the blonde isn’t giving up the fight.

Liv rolls her eyes. “That’s a lie and you know it.”

She moves closer towards the two of them. “They’ve both hurt each other in the past, sure. But they’ve also loved each other. I lived with them, alright? I witnessed that.”

“There’s no way anything involving Robert Sugden doesn’t end in disaster.” Unlike Chas, Paddy won’t meet Liv’s eyes. Chas nods in agreement.

“Oh what? Like Seb? Your grandson?” Liv scoffs before glaring at them. “By the way, you ever talk rubbish about Robert in front of Seb, I’ll make sure Aaron and Vic know.”

Chas opens her mouth and then shuts it.

Liv starts to go back out the door, before turning back briefly.

“Just because you only loved him when it was convenient for you, doesn’t mean the rest of us have to.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's robert's birthday, but what does he want?

**_22 april 2021_ **

Victoria has insisted they have some sort of celebration for Robert’s birthday, no matter how much he groans over the idea.

That’s why he woke on his thirty-fifth birthday to the smell of Victoria baking and how he ended up being fussed over all day, leading to his “party” in the evening.

“Remind me who’ve you invited to this thing again,” Robert calls from the sofa, where he’s watching telly with Matty and Harry.

Victoria glares at him from the kitchen. “I’ve told you a million times! Jimmy and Nicola and the kids. Diane. And Liv’s bringing Seb.”

She pauses before adding, “Oh and Gabby might come with Diane, if that’s alright.”

Robert shrugs. “The more the merrier, I guess.”

Victoria looks defeated. “Do you _really_ not want to celebrate?”

Robert sighs, feeling guilty. He walks over to give his sister a hug. “Hey, listen, I appreciate all you’re doing, okay? I’m sure I’ll perk up once everyone gets here.”

She bites the inside of her cheek and nods. “I just want you to have a nice day, after everything.”

“I know.” He kisses the top of her head. “And thank you for that.”

***

Liv and Seb arrive first, Seb running in to give Robert a hug. They’d been making a lot of progress in the past few weeks and Seb was becoming more and more comfortable with having Robert back in his life.

After releasing Robert from the hug, Seb hands him an envelope covered in stickers and scribbles (clearly the work of the three year old). He grins brightly up at him. “Happy birthday Daddy Robert!”

Robert feels his heart leap. He didn’t know how soon Seb would warm up to him and the fact that he was calling him “Daddy Robert” was enough to ward off any reservations he had about this “party.”

“And this is from me.” Liv hands him another envelope, albeit this one lacks the evidence of a crayon attack.

The door opens then and Diane calls out, “Hello!”

She stops in her tracks when she sees Robert. She’d been away on holiday when Robert had returned and she only got back that morning.

“Oh Robert!” She extends her arms and pulls Robert into a hug. “It’s so good to have you home.”

“Glad to be home,” He murmurs.

Gabby awkwardly steps into the room, clearly trying to avoid breaking the moment between step-mother and step-son. Liv’s face flushes and she nervously tucks her hair behind her ears. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t have anything better to do,” Gabby shrugs.

Robert rolls his eyes. “Aw, thanks.”

“Happy birthday by the way,” She grins at him before turning back to Liv. “Besides, I figured you’d be here and that’s worth it enough for me.”

Liv smiles softly at her before catching Robert’s eye. He raises an eyebrow and looks between her and Gabby, who had turned to go help Victoria.

“Shut up,” she hisses, nudging him in the side. “Don’t test me, I’ll take your card back.”

He just laughs in response, dodging out of the way of the nineteen year old’s elbow.

***

Dinner had been nice and now things were winding down. Jimmy and Nicola and the kids, as well as Diane, just left to go home. Seb was cuddled up with Harry under a blanket on the couch. Liv and Gabby had gone off to see a movie. Robert stands in the kitchen with Victoria and Matty.

“So, was this alright?” Victoria asks, resting her head on Matty’s shoulder. “I know you didn’t want a big fuss, but I hope it wasn’t _too_ lowkey.”

“Vic, it was great. Honestly.” Robert squeezes her arm gently.

She gives him a teary smile. “Good. I’m glad.”

“Hey, hey, don’t cry. It’s alright.” Robert pulls Vic in for a hug. “I’m here. I’m okay.”

Matty clears his throat. “I’ll leave you two to it. I’m gonna go put Harry to bed, I think he’s fallen asleep on Seb.” Victoria smiles at Matty and Robert can feel the warmth in it. He’s really glad Victoria has him in her life.

As soon as Matty’s out of the kitchen, Victoria nudges his arm and he wraps it around her shoulder. “Are you really okay?”

_No, I don’t think I am,_ he thinks to himself.

Robert brushes the question off and laughs through his nose. “Wouldn’t I tell you if I wasn’t?”

“No, you probably wouldn’t.” She has a point.

She takes a breath. “Don’t get upset with me for asking but... what’s going on with you and Aaron? I thought you’d be trying to get back together or something.”

Robert tenses next to her. “Yeah well… we’re not. We can’t.”

She moves away from him, raising an eyebrow. “What do you mean you can’t? You haven’t even tried.”

“He has,” Robert says. “Well, sort of.”

After seeing Victoria’s look of confusion, he continues, “The night I came back. He came ‘round, remember?”

She nods. “Yeah, ‘course I do.”

“Well, he kissed me. Or I kissed him. Maybe it was both of us, I’m not sure. But we were drawn together.” Robert sounds distant. Wistful.

“Now I’m confused.”

_You and me both._

Robert sighs. “Listen, I can’t risk ruining everything again, Vic. I can barely handle just the idea of it all falling apart again.”

“But you still love him?”

“Of course I do.”

There’s a knock on the door. They hear Matty open it and greet Aaron.

Robert rubs his eyes with his jumper sleeve before heading out to the living room. He hadn’t even realized he’d started to tear up.

Seb’s voice calls out softly, “Daddyyyyyy…”

Aaron chuckles, “Hey monkey, have fun?”

He nods. “Auntie Vic made good cake.”

“Well I’d hope so, that’s kinda her job.” Robert grins and Victoria elbows him.

Aaron looks over to Robert and gives him a small smile, before seemingly shaking himself out of the moment and picking Seb up. “Come on bud, we need to get home so you can sleep before going to see the bunnies with Belle and Jamie tomorrow.”

Seb wriggles around until Aaron puts him back down and then runs to hug Robert’s legs. “Night Daddy Robert.”

Robert strokes his son’s hair. “Goodnight Seb.”

After giving hugs to Vic and Matty and pulling his jacket on, Seb’s ready to go and Robert walks him and Aaron to the door.

“Can I come back soon?” Seb asks as he walks outside.

“I’m sure we can arrange that.” Robert winks. “But for now, goodnight.”

As Robert moves to go back inside, he feels Aaron’s hand on his arm. Robert looks at him and ignores how his heart strings feel like they’re being pulled to the point where they might snap.

“Uh, just wanted to say… happy birthday Rob.” The porch light illuminates the blush creeping up Aaron’s face.

“Thanks.” Robert hates how breathless he sounds. As if Aaron didn’t just tell him something he’s been told over and over again today, but instead gave him the best gift he could’ve gotten this year.

*

**_flashback: letter (22 april 2020)_ **

_Dear Aaron,_

_Well, happy birthday to me, I guess. No one’s said it to me yet, if you can believe it. The nerve, honestly._

_I keep thinking about where we were during my last birthday. Just you and me. Well, and then you and me and our families, because they don’t really understand personal time, do they?_

_We had so much to look forward to. Future birthdays. Kids. Everything. I’m sorry that’s gone for us now. I wonder if you think about it too. You’ll be able to get it all though, you’re a catch, whether or not you think so._

_I know this day is significant for you for another reason. I won’t spell it out, but you know, obviously you know. I don’t think you forget something like that. But anyways, you’ve come so far and I’m so proud of you._

_If you’re wondering, I’m still doing alright. Wish I was anywhere else, obviously, but it’s okay. Better get used to it, right? I’ve got another thirteen and a half years before this place even has the chance to be behind me. But God, I wish I was there with you._

_Hope you’re doing better than me._

_Love,_

_Robert_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the story of how matty and victoria found their way back together (ft. a very patient and helpful aaron)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this isn't very robron focused but both robert and aaron are in this chapter and there's a few robron mentions. i just wanted to have a chapter dedicated to vicmatty (or victory as some of us call them) bc i think they deserve to be together, just like robron. hope you enjoy!  
> \- eb

**_1 may 2021_ **

Some mornings, the Sugden-Barton household can be a little bit chaotic.

“Vic, have you seen my phone?” Matty maneuvers around Robert and runs up the stairs.

Victoria calls out in response from the kitchen, “It’s in the bathroom, babe!”

“Da!” Harry shouts from his highchair, “ _Daaaaa!_ ”

“Just a sec, bud!”

Matty’s back down not a minute later, phone in hand. Victoria hands him a bowl of Harry’s breakfast and he sits down to feed his son.

“Come on, Harry, Daddy needs to get to work so you need to eat now please.”

Robert shuffles into the kitchen. “I thought you didn’t work until later, how come he’s gotta be the one to feed Harry?”

Victoria sighs. “Harry’s been going through this phase where if anyone other than Matty tries to feed him, it’s meltdown central. It’s frustrating, but Matty doesn’t mind, so I suppose I’m thankful for that.”

Robert smiles as he watches through the hatch, seeing Matty happily feed Harry spoonful after spoonful.

“Can I ask you something?” He turns to Vic, who’s also watching them with a look of contentment.

She nods. “Course you can.”

“How long has he been calling Matty dad? I mean, when did you make that decision?”

Victoria pauses for a moment to think before answering, “About six months? Maybe longer. After we started dating, like properly dating, it became very clear to me that no matter what, Matty was the best dad for Harry.”

Robert has to admit, they have a very solid family unit. Matty adores Victoria and Harry, and vice versa, Robert can see that.

“When did this all happen anyways? You two getting together.” The last Robert had known, they’d had a moment or two a few years back but the Adam secret came to light and seemed to put a stop on their “relationship.”

Matty, now finished feeding the ornery toddler, walks into the kitchen to put the bowl in the sink.

“It was sort of a process,” Matty laughs. “Of us trying to figure out what the best way to go about things was. If there was a good way at all.”

“But eventually,” Victoria presses a kiss to Matty’s cheek. “We decided that the best way to know for sure was to just give it a shot. And we really wanted to try.”

Matty smiles at her like she’s the reason the sun rises every morning. “Pretty glad we did.”

*

**_flashback (18 july 2020)_ **

Victoria answers the door to find Matty on her step.

“Hey! Wasn’t expecting you!” She hugs him anyways, because he’s Matty and there’s rarely a situation where she’s going to turn him away.

“Yeah, sorry for just dropping by, but I was passing and thought I’d see how everything was going.” He gives her a bashful sort of smile and she can’t help but feel her heart flutter briefly.

She waves her hand aimlessly. “Oh you know, just trying to get through the days.”

Harry coos from his cot in the living room and she laughs. “And trying to keep chunk over there entertained. I’ll be honest, I’m a bit of a mess but I’m getting through it.”

Matty shrugs, “Well you’re always great in my eyes.”

She knows she’s blushing now but she doesn’t know how to stop it. Things had been like that for a while now. Before she’d been able to push the feelings down and just focus on being mates but now… Now it was harder to ignore whatever her brain and her heart are trying to tell her.

“Hey mate, you givin’ your mum a hard time?” Harry grabs at Matty’s finger and they grin at each other.

Matty picks him up and sways him a bit. “You should give her a break sometimes, she’s a busy lady who deserves a lot of good things.”

Harry gurgles and Matty raises an eyebrow. “I don’t know if that was a sign of agreement or a sign that you’re going to spit up on me but I suppose I’ll take my chances.”

_There’s such a sense of warmth around Matty,_ Victoria thinks. _He’s one of the best people I know._

*

**_flashback (20 july 2020)_ **

Victoria sits anxiously on the couch in the Mill. She’d dropped Harry off with Diane on her way over.

“So…” Aaron hands her a mug of tea. “What’d you wanna talk about?”

She shakes her head. “This is going to sound so stupid but I dunno, you’re one of the people who listen to me best. You’re one of my best friends.”

He sits down next to her. “Vic, what’s up?”

“I think I…” She laughs. “I feel like I’m sixteen again. I have feelings for Matty.”

Aaron’s silent for a moment. Then, “Like… _like_ like?”

She shoves him. “Don’t make fun! This is serious!”

He chuckles before apologizing. “Alright, alright, sorry. But why are you making this such a big deal? If you like him, you like him.”

“Because it’s Matty! And he’s kind and sweet and handsome but he’s also one of my closest friends and… and he’s…”

“Adam’s brother.” Of course she’d be worried about that.

She nods and Aaron thinks very carefully before he next speaks.

“Are you worried that you only like him because of Adam?”

Victoria instantly looks offended so he quickly continues, “I’m not saying this because I doubt your feelings or anything. But that’s something that I feel like needs to be talked about.”

She doesn’t say anything, just stares at him.

“If you started seeing Matty and then by some miracle, Adam was able to come back, what would happen?” He asks. “I just don’t want this to end in heartbreak. You deserve better than that. Matty too.”

She takes a deep breath. “I don’t think I’d get back together with Adam. With Matty… everything feels different. Easier. Lighter.”

“I… I really like him, Aaron. I think I have for a while but I couldn’t let myself face it.”

Aaron gives her a small smile. “Then maybe you should see where it goes?”

Vic sighs. “He’s probably well over me by now.”

Aaron scoffs, “You are not that easy to get over. And I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Vic.”

_Maybe…_ She thinks, _Maybe it would be well worth it to try._

_What if he’s the one?_

*

**_flashback (21 july 2020)_ **

She’s gone over this a million times in her head.

_What if he doesn’t want to date her at all? What if this ruins their friendship? Could she survive that? A world without Matty seems pretty awful…_

She shakes herself out of it. _Get a grip, Victoria. Whatever happens, happens._

Matty pops his head into the kitchen. “You wanted to see me?”

_Oh no._

“Hm? Oh, yep, yeah.” She sighs at the awkwardness that just tumbled out of her mouth. “You know… just… hangin’ out.”

_Hangin’ out? He knows you’re at work, weirdo! And **you** invited him here!_

Matty raises an eyebrow. “Vic, you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” She laughs awkwardly. “Well… no yeah, I’m fine, just got a lot on my mind.”

“Anything I can help with?”

He looks at her with the most endearing look in his eyes.

She fiddles with her hands. “Well, maybe…”

_You’re wasting his time, get on with it!_

Victoria exhales, “Iwasjustwondering-” _Breathe._ “I was wondering, um, if you’d want to go get dinner sometime. Soon-ish. Together.”

Matty’s eyes widen. “Like a date?”

She nods. “Exactly like a date. If that’s okay with you? It’s totally fine if it’s not! I don’t want to-”

“I thought you didn’t have feelings for me anymore.” Matty shuffles closer to her.

“I don’t know that I ever necessarily stopped having feelings for you… I just… pushed them aside because I thought that was what was best.”

Matty bites his cheek. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

Victoria’s face falls. “Oh. You don’t want this then. Um, that’s fine, I-”

“Wait! I _do_ like you Vic. A lot. How could I not?” He takes her hand. “But I don’t want to mess this up.”

“I don’t want to mess it up either.” She sighs. “But I also really, _really_ like you, Matty.”

They smile at each other.

“But I’ll give you some time to think, yeah?” She squeezes his hand before letting go.

***

Matty knocks on the portacabin door before walking in. It’s late but he’d known Aaron would be working late and could only hope that he’d be willing to speak to him.

“Hey Matty, what’s up?” _So far so good_ , he thinks.

“I was hoping we could talk…” He shoves his hands in his pockets and stares at the ground. “About Vic.”

Aaron clicks his pen. “Alright…”

“You know Vic better than most people, so I value your opinion a lot on this.”

Aaron just nods for him to continue.

“Would it be a massive mistake if Victoria and I were to try to be a thing again?”

There’s just silence for a moment.

“So she’s talked to you then.”

Matty whips his head up to look at Aaron, who sits with a hint of a smirk on his face. It almost reminds him of when they were teenagers, when Aaron was mainly just a cocky chav with more baggage than anyone knew about.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Aaron gets up out of his chair and moves to sit on the edge of his desk. “She might’ve mentioned something.”

Matty shakes his head. “And what? What do you think?”

“I think it doesn’t matter what I think. If Robert and I had listened to all the people who had somethin’ to say to us, we wouldn’t’ve gotten anywhere.”

“What if it all goes wrong again?”

Aaron shrugs. “Wouldn’t it be worth it to find out?”

Matty looks at Aaron, really looks at him, and asks, “If you’d have known how everything with Robert was going to end up, would you still have gone through all that trouble?”

The other man smiles. It’s not a happy smile, but it’s a smile nonetheless. “Yeah, I would.”

Aaron pauses before continuing, “What about you? Because trust me, I think you have a higher chance of a happy ending.”

“And Adam?”

“What about him?”

Matty lets the guilty feeling in his stomach take over for a minute. The guilt that he’s felt since he realized just how deep his feelings for Victoria are.

He exhales. “Am I betraying my brother?”

“I think…” Aaron sighs. “I think Adam would want you to be happy. Both of you.”

“Yeah?”

Aaron nods. “Yeah.”

*

**_flashback (22 july 2020)_ **

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” Victoria shifts Harry to her other hip so she can answer the door. “Matty! _Hi!_ ”

Matty looks back at her with this soft, dopey grin on his face. “Hiya Vic.”

They walk into the living room and she lays Harry in his cot before sitting with Matty on the couch. “What’s up?”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said yesterday,” He says. “Well I guess technically I’ve been thinking about it even longer than that.”

Victoria tilts her head in confusion. “You have?”

He nods. “When we started hanging out more again, I- I just kept thinking about you all the time. How much I like you. How I love being around you.”

She just looks back at him and there’s a certain brightness in her eyes.

“I wanna give this a shot, Victoria. I wanna give _us_ a shot.”

“Me too.” She grins. “I don’t want to spend my whole life wondering _‘what if?’_ You know?”

He just nods and leans in. When their lips meet, it makes sense. That’s all they need to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's definitely some robron coming your way soon, just wanted to have this little chapter as a break from some of the angst/slow burn that is robron...  
> -eb


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert has a kind of rough day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i've finally discovered how many chapters this fic will have. this is chapter 9 out of 19! i know there's been a bit of slow burn but i promise we will get there... eventually.  
> \- eb

**_5 may 2021_ **

Robert wakes up in a cold sweat. He’d be lying if he said this was the first time. He rarely ever remembers what the dreams are even about, just that he feels alone and scared and wants to be anywhere else.

Most days he can handle it when he’s had dreams like those. He can get up and get dressed and push down all those feelings of loneliness and fear and just move on with his day.

Today does not feel like one of those days.

Today, he wants to bury himself in the covers of this small room in his sister’s house and just stay there and not think ever again. He thinks he’d feel loads better if his brain would just shut up sometimes.

But he promised Seb they’d go to the park this morning and he doesn’t want to let him down, not like he has before. So he does his best to shake himself out of… whatever this is, and he forces himself out of bed, pulls on some clothes, and makes his way downstairs.

“Morning!” How can she be so chipper? It’s… oh.

It’s 9:30 in the morning. He said he’d get Seb at 10.

“Shit!” He curses through his teeth.

Victoria’s eyes go wide as she looks from him to Harry, who’s happily eating his Cheerios in his highchair. Robert mumbles an apology before throwing on his jacket and heading out the door. He doesn’t have time for lectures.

***

Liv raises her eyebrows when she opens the door. “You look like you haven’t slept a wink.”

Robert shrugs, but a yawn escapes. “‘M fine.”

“Right… Well come on in.” She gestures to the living room and he steps inside.

He hates how this place makes him feel now. He doesn’t hate the Mill itself, he couldn’t, but he hates that it’s a constant reminder of what he used to have. That old life everyone’s always talking about him getting back. As if it’s that easy. As if he can spend over a year in fucking prison and then just waltz back into his old life. As if he even deserves that.

“Hi Daddy Robert!” Seb’s voice rings through his ears, and admittedly he feels lighter for a moment. Seb’s standing proudly in front of what Robert recognizes as a miniature punching bag.

“What’s this?” He nods his head to the bag, a quizzical expression on his face.

“‘S for stress!” The redhead beams and Robert’s even more confused. What the hell does a three year old need to be stressed about?

Liv laughs and explains, “He saw Aaron letting out some frustration on a punching bag a little while back and since his dad’s his hero, he immediately decided he needed one too.”

Robert notices that Aaron’s not around. He’s probably ignoring him, not that Robert can blame him for wanting to.

Seb nods before thrusting his arms up towards Robert. “Can we go to the park now?”

Robert forces a smile on his face and picks his son up. “Yeah, ‘course we can.”

*

**_flashback: letter (12 may 2020)_ **

_Dear Aaron,_

_You remember all those years ago when I told you I was afraid of being alone? I’m feeling like that right now. Except this isn’t just fear. This is my reality._

_And I know this is all my own fault and I could change my mind about cutting you off at any time but I won’t. Not if it’ll prevent you from getting on with your life. How could I? After everything I’ve put you through…_

_God, Aaron, I’m so fucking sorry. For everything. I’ve always known you deserve better than me. I think everyone’s always known. I just wanted you so much. And now here we are, who knows how far apart, and I’m in pain all over again._

_Every day without you hurts. I won’t change my mind, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to. From wanting to call you and apologize and figure out some way to fix what I’ve broken. But I won’t do it. I won’t ruin you any more. I could never forgive myself, no matter how much I want to hear your voice._

_I hope in fourteen years you’ve moved on and you’re happy and you’re living a better life than you ever did with me._

_Well, that’s sort of a lie. Deep down, I don’t hope for that, not really. But I can’t put my own happiness before yours, so I suppose part of me does hope you’ll be happy without me. If you could forget about me all together, I suppose that’d be ideal. If I could forget about all of you back home, it’d certainly make my life a lot easier. But I still wouldn’t even if I could. Because I’d rather have the pain of missing you than not remembering you at all._

_Fuck, I hate it here. It’s so lonely and dark and some days…_

_Well that doesn’t matter. I just wish I wasn’t here, that’s all. I wish I was with you and Liv and Seb and Vic and her kid._

_Oh yeah. The baby. He’s probably what, three months old now? I can’t believe I’m missing everything. I hope you’re there though, to keep an eye on them for me._

_I should probably stop writing now. Don’t want to bore you with my life in paradise. Even if you are just the version of Aaron in my head._

_I hope the real you is doing alright._

_Love,_

_Rob_

*

**_5 may 2021_ **

“Can y’push me high?” Seb asks, kicking his legs out with every push from Robert on the swings.

“Don’t you think you’re going high enough?” He chuckles and he knows Seb’s pouting without even seeing his face.

“Never!” Seb giggles, holding on tight to the chains of the swing.

Robert steps to the side after giving him another push. He doesn’t need to go any higher than that.

_*buzz*_

Robert checks his phone, while frequently glancing back at Seb. It’s Victoria. Wanting to know if he’ll be back for lunch at noon. It’s 11:20 now. He texts back that he’ll be there.

“‘M done now!” Seb calls out. “Down please!”

He hoists Seb up onto his hip and goes to sit down on a bench, where they sit in quiet contentment for a while. Until Seb starts asking questions.

“Are you and daddy gonna be married again?”

Robert feels like the air’s been punched out of him. “What?”

“Liv said yous was married.” Seb looks up at him with wide, curious eyes. “And in love. I seen the pictures.”

Well he wasn’t expecting this.

“You gonna love daddy again?”

“I never stopped,” He says before he can stop himself, at risk of confusing an already confused toddler.

“You still love ‘im?” Seb tilts his head and Robert nods.

“Yeah… yeah, but Seb, listen, it’s hard to talk about. Daddy Aaron can’t know, alright?”

The three year old furrows his eyebrows. “A secret?”

He nods again. “Exactly like a secret.”

“That’s booooring,” Seb groans. “But okay.”

Robert ruffles his hair. “Good boy. Now, I was told to take you to Nana Chas’ and Grandad Paddy’s for lunch.”

*

Robert hears them before he sees them.

_“So Robert’s bringing Seb over?”_

_“That’s what Aaron said.”_

Chas sighs. _“That’s good I suppose, that he’s still trying to be a good dad.”_

_“Suppose so.”_

_“As long as that’s all this is.”_

Deciding he’s eavesdropped enough, he knocks on the door and the back room goes silent.

Chas opens it up and gives him a look that he can’t quite read. Is it hatred? Mistrust? Tolerance?

_She probably hates you._ He laughs darkly in his head. _Wouldn’t you?_

“Hi Nana! Hi Paddy!” Seb skips in through the door and plops himself down on the sofa.

“Hey mate, you doing alright?”

Seb nods enthusiastically. “Daddy Robert and I played at the park! Went down the slides an’ he pushed me high on the swings!”

Paddy smiles. Robert bets it’s fake. “That’s great, Seb. Evie will be up from her nap soon and then you can play with her, how’s that?”

Seb grins before turning to Robert. “Daddy, are you going to eat lunch with us too?”

Robert’s heart stops. That’s the first time he hasn’t tagged “Robert” along to the end.

Chas gives him a warning look.

“Uh, no buddy, no I’m not. I told Auntie Vic that I’d eat with her for lunch.”

Seb’s face falls and Robert moves past Chas to kneel in front of him. “But we’ll eat lunch together soon, okay? I promise.”

Seb smiles and throws his arms around Robert’s neck for a hug.

Robert smiles back, one of the few genuine smiles he’s given all morning. They’ve all been for Seb. He presses a kiss to the top of his head and starts to walk out when Chas stops him at the door.

“I don’t know what your plan is but-”

Robert sighs. “I don’t know either, Chas. I’m just trying to spend time with my family.”

He leaves without another word, entering the busy bar.

“Well if it isn’t Sugden, back in the flesh!” Charity goads. “Hey, if you’re looking for some extra cash, I could always use an extra hand around the bar.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.” He hopes she can hear the disinterest in his voice.

“All I’m saying, I know what it’s like, trying to get back to normal after time inside.”

Good to know she still doesn’t know when to stop talking.

“Oh Charity, give it a rest!” Nicola groans, taking Robert by the arm and dragging him away from the bar. “He’s probably got enough going on without having to listen to your big gob go on and on.”

Robert’s in the middle of silently thanking Nicola when he realizes she wants something.

He sighs, “What is it Nicola?”

“Jimmy’s gone on a haulage run and there’s some paperwork that needs doing in the portacabin.” She pauses. “If you’re up to it.”

He knows she means well deep down, but he also knows that she didn’t necessarily add on that last bit out of the kindness of her heart. It’s kind of reassuring in a way. To know that she’s still the same.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m on it.”

***

Robert can feel something bubbling in his chest. He doesn’t know what, but he pushes it down anyways. He’s got other things to worry about.

“Hey! Robert!” He hears Sam call out from behind him.

He turns around, despite the fact that he’s not really in the mood to have Sam talk his ear off.

“Jus’ wanted to see how you’re doin’, after… y’know… prison an’ all that…”

Robert shrugs.

“Well y’know, us Dingles always seem to end up there eventually so-” Sam stops, realizing what he’s just implied. The feeling in Robert’s chest is back.

And because he’s Sam, he tries to make it better, but just makes Robert feel worse. “Well you an’ our Aaron aren’t married anymore… but you were y’know… at the time and-”

Robert just moves past him and gets into his car. He can’t do this today.

***

He gets a text from Jimmy when he reaches the portacabin.

_-Thanks for agreeing to the paperwork! Knew you’d be getting back to normal soon enough!-_

“Can everyone just _stop saying that?_ ” He mutters. Why do they all think he can just do that? They don’t know him. Does anyone anymore? Does he?

His chest feels a bit tight.

***

After about an hour, he calls Jimmy and is sent to voicemail.

“You better not be ignoring me.” Robert’s beyond stressed after going through mounds and mounds of paperwork. “How the hell could you let things get this bad? This is fucking ridiculous, Jimmy. What have you even been doing for the past year?”

He hangs up and slams his phone down on the table. Everything is wrong. And complicated. And messed up. And he doesn’t know how to fix it.

He can feel his breathing get heavier. Feel his chest heave. Feel the tears prick at his eyes. His throat burns. His whole body feels tense but he can’t let it go. He just wants it to stop but it won’t.

***

Aaron walks towards the pub, hands shoved in his jacket pocket. He’d had a meeting this morning and it went pretty well, so he was feeling pretty good. He couldn’t help wondering how Seb’s morning with Robert went though.

“Aaron!” Victoria exits the pub, walking fast towards him. “Have you seen Robert?”

He feels his heart stop, before beginning to race. “What do you mean? He was with Seb and-”

“Yeah, he left Seb with your mum.”

He lets out a sigh of relief. “So what’s the problem?”

“He was supposed to come back to mine for lunch at noon. It’s almost one!”

“What’s up?” Liv interrupts, joining them towards the entrance to the Woolpack.

Victoria runs a hand through her hair. “Liv, have you seen Robert?”

The blonde shakes her head. “Not since this morning, why?”

Her face changes, as if she remembers something. “Mind you, he sounded a little off when we talked. And he looked absolutely knackered.”

“Yeah, he seemed weird when he left, but I didn’t think anything of it.” Victoria looks nervous and Aaron puts a hand on her arm to reassure her.

“I’m sure he’s fine, Vic. He probably just lost track of time or sommat. I’ll go look for him, if you’d like.”

She nods. “Would you?”

“Course. I’ll go now, yeah?”

Vic pulls him in for a hug. “Thanks Aaron.”

*

**_flashback: letter (22 feb 2020)_ **

_Dear Aaron,_

_Remember two years ago? We got back together and I was so happy because I honestly thought maybe this was it. No more goodbyes._

_Sure, a part of me always worried, but over time that started to pass. Until now. Or rather, until I got locked up._

_This was what I was afraid of. Having to say goodbye to you again. I didn’t want to risk it but I let you convince me. I let you convince me it would all be good._

_And it was. God, for so long it was so good._

_I’m sorry I’m still a disaster._

_Love,_

_Robert_

*

**_5 may 2021_ **

Aaron figured the yard was a safe bet and sure enough, there was Robert’s car.

He walks up to the portacabin door. It’s not like it’s completely out of the ordinary for Robert to be at work, but he’s quickly confused when he tries to open the door.

It’s locked.

“What the- Rob? _Robert?_ ” He bangs on the door. “Robert open up, it’s Aaron!”

Nothing.

Luckily, Aaron has a key on him at all times now, thanks to the many times one of his employees have locked themselves out.

He quickly unlocks the door and finds Robert huddled up against one of the desks. He’s breathing heavy and he looks… scared?

“Robert?” He softens his voice and gets down to Robert’s level. “Rob, hey, look at me. Just breathe.”

Robert looks at him, tears in his eyes. “I can’t do it.”

“What? Can’t do what?”

Robert gulps. “I can’t just go back to my old life. Everyone keeps acting like I can but I can’t. Everything’s changed and I don’t know how to get it back. I don’t think I can. I don’t think I deserve to and-”

“Woah, woah, hey.” Aaron presses their foreheads together. He remembers Robert used to do that when he would freak out. “It’s alright, okay? It’s fine.”

Robert starts to ease at the touch. It’s familiar. Calming. But he’s still on edge.

“It’s _not_ though,” Robert insists, although his breathing is starting to go back to normal. “It’s not alright. I’ve hurt so many people and I can’t fix that. Not right away. Not after I’ve been gone for so long… in there.”

Aaron sighs. “You know, you cutting me off wasn’t the worst bit of all that. It was this. Knowing you were suffering but I couldn’t do a damn thing about it because you wouldn’t just let me be there for you.”

Robert closes his eyes. “I think it would’ve been worse. If you were there.”

Aaron pulls away and sits down next to him. Pretends not to notice the way Robert’s hands absentmindedly trail after him. “Right. Thanks.”

“I didn’t mean like _that_. I just…” Robert takes a deep breath. “The idea of you being there, in a room like that again, time after time.” He exhales. “And knowing you were putting your life on hold for me…”

He leans his head back so it touches the desk.

“And then having to continuously watch you walk away… It just seemed impossible to bear.” Robert lets out a shaky sigh. “I just didn’t want to let you down. I still don’t.”

“You aren’t-” But Aaron realizes something. He realizes that he and Robert aren’t on the same page right now. He was so willing to jump back into what they were and was so upset when Robert said no that he didn’t even see how broken Robert is now. How he still needs time to process and move forward before they can even begin to try to be together again.

If they can.

“Listen, Robert.” Aaron takes one of Robert’s hands in his. “I’m here for you. I’m always going to be your friend, okay?”

He decides to give something a shot.

“You know?”

Robert looks at Aaron. And for a moment, he can look at him without seeing all the bad stuff they’ve been through. He just sees Aaron.

“... I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to follow me @ flahertydingle on twitter + friendlycitrus on tumblr!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's summertime in the dales and robert and aaron are co-parenting while liv deals with a crush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so there's a bit of a time skip between the last chapter and this one but just roll with it, i split this fic into seasons (minus winter) for the "present day" scenes in my head.
> 
> hope u enjoy!
> 
> \- eb

**_30 june 2021_ **

Robert knows it’s stupid to be nervous around Aaron. Together or not, Aaron can read him like a book. And while things are easier than when Robert first returned, he still finds himself being apprehensive around his ex-husband.

Maybe it’s because of the way Chas and Paddy look at him every time he enters a room. Or the way Seb keeps asking questions about the way things used to be between his dads. Or how every time he sees Aaron, nearly every cell in his body wants to call out to him, to be with him.

He tries to keep it down. He talks a bit with Victoria, and that seems to help.

***

“Maybe you should take Seb somewhere, just the two of you,” Vic suggests.

Robert raises an eyebrow. “Like where?”

“I dunno, like the zoo or a park outside the village or something!” She rolls her eyes. “I can’t do _everything,_ Rob.”

“I’m not asking you to do anything,” He mutters under his breath so she can’t hear him.

Robert does appreciate her efforts though. He knows she’s just trying to make his and Aaron’s lives easier now that they’re living in the same village again. And she has a point, if they want to work on getting over the awkward tension between them, they need to just suck it up and work through it.

*

**_2 july 2021_ **

Victoria walks onto the scrapyard lot, Harry teetering along next to her. They’d come to bring Matty and Robert lunch and the one year old runs the best he can when he sees his dad.

“Harry! Be careful!” Victoria calls out but Matty swoops him up into his arms before any danger can arise.

The toddler giggles and squeals, wriggling in Matty’s arms.

“Calm down mate, you’re gonna give mummy a heart attack.”

Harry just blows a raspberry in response.

“I’m gonna put your sandwich inside, alright?” Victoria gestures to the portacabin and Matty nods.

“Knock knock!” She enters to find Aaron sitting at his desk.

He looks up and smiles. “Hey Vic, what’s up?”

“Brought Matty and Rob lunch,” She says. “I can go make you something if-”

Aaron holds up his own sandwich. “I’m good, but thanks.”

“Robert around?”

He shakes his head. “He’s on a drive. Should be back soon.”

“... Can we talk then?”

Aaron looks confused but gestures to a chair.

“I wanna talk about Rob.”

Aaron swallows hard but nods. “Okay…”

“Is it horrible of me to ask that you don’t give up on him?”

“What d’ya mean, Vic?”

“I know things haven’t been easy since… well everything, but…” She looks around the cabin. “Please don’t give up on him. Not completely, anyway.”

“Vic…”

She shakes her head. “I know it’s all very vague. And complicated. And I’m not asking you to take him back, he’s not ready for that but-”

“I’m not giving up on him.”

She looks up. “You mean that?”

“Yeah, course. What happened doesn’t change how much I care about him. It doesn’t change how important of a part he’s played in my life. Or my sister’s. Or our son’s.”

“Good. I’m glad.” She smiles warmly. It’s nice to know that Aaron’s still on Robert’s side.

*

**_4 july 2021_ **

Liv is getting really tired of not knowing what her brain is trying to tell her.

She’s also getting really tired of her brain deciding to stop working whenever a pretty girl walks into David’s Shop. Specifically one pretty girl. Specifically the one pretty girl who she’s been best mates with for five years. It’s ridiculous.

“Hey Liv.” Gabby’s standing at the shop counter and Liv has to shake herself from her thoughts.

_Just say hi back, you idiot,_ she scolds herself.

“Hi! Hey, uh…” She knows she’s flustered, she can feel her cheeks get warm. “Sorry, _hi._ ”

She makes eye contact with Jacob, who’s standing behind Gabby and trying his best not to laugh. She could kill him, honestly.

“Everything alright in there?” Gabby leans across the counter to tap Liv’s head with her finger. If her cheeks were warm before, they’re burning now.

“Yeah, obviously, why wouldn’t they be?” She lets out a nervous laugh. “Other than the epilepsy but… y’know…”

_Other than the epilepsy? **Really?**_

She’s about to apologize for her awkwardness when she realizes Gabby’s hand is still on her, touching her hair. They make eye contact for a moment before Gabby looks away, the color of her face now almost matching Liv’s. Jacob looks incredibly confused and uncertain of what just happened. Which makes three of them.

***

“Wanna see the tigers!” Seb drags Robert through the zoo gates, Aaron not far behind them.

Robert laughs, “Slow down, mate! We’re not in any rush and I promise the tigers aren’t going anywhere.”

“Also, last time we came here you were all about the giraffes, what changed?” Aaron adds.

Seb looks offended. “They’re still my favorite, daddy! But I wanna see the tigers first todayyyyy.”

“Alright, alright.” Aaron chuckles and ruffles Seb’s hair. “Let’s get going then.”

***

“Do you think I’m an idiot?” Jacob asks, stirring Liv from her thoughts.

“Huh?” She raises an eyebrow at him.

“Do you think I’m an idiot?”

“I always think you’re an idiot.” She laughs when he gives her a playful shove. “But what did you do this time?”

He gives her an incredulous look. “Were you listening to a word I just said?”

She gives him a bashful smile, “Do you want the honest answer?”

He groans. “Honestly Liv, sometimes you are impossible.”

“Sorry my head is… miles away.”

“I can tell…” He nudges her shoulder. “Thinking of one Gabby Thomas, are we?”

“What?” She sputters. “No I’m- Why would you- I-“

He holds up a hand and she stops, cheeks flushed bright pink.

“Liv, you’re my best mate and I know _smitten_ when I see it,” He teases, holding his hands up in mock defense when it looks like she might hit him.

She huffs, crossing her arms. “I am not _smitten._ ”

She groans and presses her forehead to the shop counter. “I don’t even know what I’m feeling.”

“... But you like her?” He gives her that soft smile that reminds her of how glad she is to have him in her life, despite how annoying he can be sometimes.

She gives a few small nods.

“Is it like when you liked me?” Admittedly, they don’t talk about when they dated a lot. Jacob has a lot of guilt that he carries, as well as the fact that talking about that period in their lives can be a bit of a trigger for him.

She shakes her head. “No. It’s different. Like, _way_ different.”

“More?”

“A _lot_ more.” She pauses. “No offense.”

“Too late, loads taken.” He grins at her. “But I _suppose_ I’ll get over it.”

It’s impossible to think of a world where Jacob Gallagher isn’t one of Liv’s best mates.

***

By the time they leave the zoo, Robert and Aaron are red faced and sweating, while Seb happily skips in between them and licks at an ice lolly that’s slowly dripping onto his hand. He’s got a stuffed giraffe (courtesy of Daddy Robert) in his other hand and a fixed grin on his face, so they think that maybe, just maybe, the extra warmth of the afternoon was worth it.

And Robert also thinks it was worth it to spend time with Aaron and not feel stressed about what to say or what to do.

“It’s a bit of a workout, chasin’ after this one.” Aaron leans down and pokes Seb’s side, causing the toddler to giggle. “He’s always on the move nowadays.”

Robert nods. “He’s definitely changed a lot since-”

He stops himself but Aaron doesn’t let the mood die down.

“Yeah, he was a bit quiet when he first came back to the village, but he got used to it not long after. Plus Isaac really helped to get him out of his shell.” Aaron pauses and laughs. “Unfortunately they can also end up causing a lot of trouble together.”

“I told you Isaac was a bad influence.” It’s nice, being able to talk like they used to.

Aaron laughs again. “Yeah.”

It’s nice being able to make Aaron laugh like he used to, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've created a timeline for wwwaf! which can be found here! if the link doesn't work, feel free to message me on tumblr (friendlycitrus) or twitter (flahertydingles) and i will try and send it to you through there! the timeline will be updated as the fic is updated!
> 
> \- eb


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> of playdates and dinners and lesbians

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there'll be bits of livgabby in these chapters bc i think they have a lot of potential and want to see them flourish but never fear, there's plenty of robron in this chapter and of course in the chapters to follow. it's a robron fic first and foremost. just a slow burner.
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> \- eb

**_10 july 2021_ **

Robert’s eardrums burst almost immediately upon entering the Mill. Seb squeals as he and Isaac run away from Dotty, who appears to be wielding a large foam sword.

Aaron waves from the kitchen, where he’s making sandwiches (presumably for the three demons running around). “Hey! Come on in!”

He’d texted Robert and asked if he wanted to come over and help watch the kids. Robert wasn’t going to say no to spending time with Seb. Or Aaron.

Robert maneuvers around the chaotic toddlers before joining Aaron in the kitchen.

“Bit busy today, eh?”

Aaron laughs. “Yeah. I’d planned a playdate for Seb with Dotty and then Cain needed someone to watch Isaac and like the idiot I am, I volunteered.”

“What’re they even playing anyways?”

He shrugs. “Uh, I think Dotty’s a knight and then Isaac’s the evil witch or whatever. And Seb might be his pet dragon?”

That would explain the sword, as well as Isaac’s pointy black hat and Seb’s metallic wings.

“All I know is that they usually go crazy for a bit and then get tired or hungry and just decide that the knight and the witch and the dragon should all be friends.”

Seb runs over to Robert and thrusts his hands in the air. “Save me!”

Robert chuckles but picks him up anyways. “Is the little dragon getting tired of running around?”

Seb nods and Isaac plops himself down on the ground. “Me too.”

Dotty yawns, “Me three.”

“Told ya,” Aaron says. “They always wear themselves out.”

***

“Can I sit here?” Liv tries to ignore the way her heart flutters when she hears Gabby’s voice in the cafe.

She hastily moves her bag from the chair next to her. “Yeah, of course.”

Liv could say it’s just a Gabby thing. That she’s the only girl she’s ever been remotely attracted to. But when she thinks about it, really thinks about it, that’s not true. Gabby’s just the girl (and really, person) she’s been the most attracted to. She’s always fancied girls a lot more than boys, but never really let herself think too much about it, because that just adds to her already complex feelings. But it’s getting harder and harder when she finds herself thinking a lot about Gabby as more than a friend.

“You alright?” Gabby asks. “You’ve been acting kinda weird with me lately.”

_Oh no._ “Weird?”

“Not like bad weird! Just… I dunno, weird. Different.”

Gabby looks nervous.

“I’m fine Gabs, honestly,” Liv does her best to assure her. “What about you? How’re you doing?”

“Um…” Gabby looks unsure of what to say. “I’ve been… I dunno… thinking a lot?”

Liv raises an eyebrow. “About what?”

She says nothing.

“Gabby, c’mon, you can talk to me.”

She looks her in the eyes and suddenly everything is silent. Liv doesn’t know what to make of anything. Then Gabby shakes her head and breaks the moment. “You know what, nothing. It’s not that important. I just wanted to see my best mate, that’s all.”

Liv pretends she’s not a little bit disappointed.

***

After several exhausting rounds of Candyland (three and four year olds are very sore losers, but also obsessed with playing over and over again), Isaac and Dotty are picked up by their respective parents.

“I think Seb and Isaac might be as bad as each other,” Robert sighs, slumped on the sofa. “Dotty does kinda help balance them out though, when she’s not enabling them.”

Aaron yawns from the chair next to him. “Yeah, Seb and Dotty are fine on their own but any combination that includes Seb and Isaac is a recipe for flippin’ disaster.”

Robert laughs through his nose. “It’s good that he has friends though. Even if they are insane together.”

He looks at Aaron. “And hey, thanks for inviting me to come over and help. It means a lot.”

Aaron smiles. “Of course. You’re his dad too, I want you to be involved.”

*

**_12 july 2021_ **

Liv knocks on the portacabin door before walking in and finding Dawn sitting in there alone.

“Aaron not around?” She asks, moving to sit on the edge of Robert’s desk. “Or Rob?”

Dawn shakes her head. “Aaron went on an emergency scrap run about an hour ago and you just missed Robert packing up for the day.”

“Oh.” She checks her phone and sees that sure enough, she has a text from her brother.

“Anything I can help you with?”

“Nope.” Liv pauses. “Well…”

“Well?” Dawn tilts her head.

Liv sits down in a chair across from Dawn.

“How… how did you know… that you were... a lesbian?”

Dawn’s eyes widen. She had come out about a year prior. “Oh! Um well, I suppose I always kind of knew, but that’s what everyone says. I dated guys but it was always… weird.”

She pauses to think. “I think there just comes a time, or a person, where you’re like, you know what? I can’t hold this in anymore.”

Liv doesn’t say anything and realization hits Dawn. “Is this… something you’ve been thinking about?”

The younger girl nods, cheeks tinted pink.

“Been goin’ over it in my head a lot lately. I just don’t know.” She takes a deep breath. “Well I do know. I know that I feel way more towards girls than I ever have towards blokes. And it’s a different kinda feeling too. It’s…”

“Better.”

“Yeah.”

“But also scarier.”

Liv exhales deeply. “ _Yeah._ ”

Dawn offers her a gentle smile. She’s always thought that her boss’ younger sister had a bright future ahead of her and she wants to help in any way she can. “What’s your heart telling you, Liv?”

And Liv thinks she knows.

***

Aaron lets Robert and Seb in through the door. “Hey thanks for picking this one up from my mum’s. Emergency scrap run and all that.”

“‘S all good, we had fun at the park, didn’t we bud?” Robert grins as Seb nods and uses his leg to keep balanced while taking off his shoes. Once they’re off, the redhead runs and plops himself down onto the sofa.

“What d’ya want for dinner Seb?”

He shrugs. “I dunno… Can Daddy Robert stay?”

Robert opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything, just looks at Aaron, who looks equally unsure of what to say.

“Um, mate, I dunno if-” He starts but Aaron cuts him off.

“Course he can.” Aaron smiles. “If you want.”

He just nods. How could he turn this down?

*

**_flashback: letter (19 june 2020)_ **

_Dear Aaron,_

_Hope you’re alright. You’ve got to be doing better than me, eh?_

_Surely most people are doing better than me. I’d rather me be doing terrible than you lot._

_I hope you’re getting out there, or whatever you call it (does that make me sound old? … Never mind, don’t answer that). You know, meeting new people and all that. You deserve to move on and be happy. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy._

_I can live with all this, if I imagine the rest of you out there, living your best lives._

_Love,_

_Robert_

*

**_12 july 2021_ **

Seb goes up to his room to play after dinner, leaving Robert and Aaron to do the washing up.

“Thanks, for letting me stay.” Robert hands him a plate.

“No problem.” Aaron shrugs, taking it from him.

He hesitates for a moment, contemplating his words, before saying, “It’s good for him, ya know, to see us getting along.”

Robert smiles. “Yeah. Probably good for us too. Things tend to be better when we’re on similar sides.”

Aaron nods, just looking at Robert, who looks at him in confusion. “What?”

He leans in. Closer and closer until…

“Aaron, no.”

And he’s snapped back down to earth.

Robert’s jaw is clenched and Aaron finds himself mirroring the action.

“I told you. We can’t.”

“I know, but-”

Robert stops him. “You need to move on, Aaron.”

Aaron feels his blood run cold.

Then it’s burning in his veins.

“ _Seriously?_ ”

The older man nods. “You deserve something better. You can’t hold onto me, not when I’m still a d-” He stops. “I can’t be the man you need. I’m sorry.”

He avoids Aaron’s gaze. “Tell Seb I had to go and I’ll see him tomorrow.”

Robert doesn’t say anything else. Just walks out of the door.

But the thing is, Aaron still believes that Robert’s the one for him. And if he wants him to see other people, then fine. But he knows Robert and he doesn’t think he’s going to love the idea so much when it actually takes form, so maybe that’s exactly what needs to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dawn's a lesbian bc i say so
> 
> \- eb


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron has a date + liv and gabby sort something out

**_18 july 2021_ **

“Thanks again guys, for offering to take Seb for a few hours,” Aaron says to Belle and Jamie. “He loves you guys, so hopefully he won’t be too much trouble.”

“Can you show me more animal books?” Seb tugs on Jamie’s sleeve. Ever since he’d gone to the Vets with Paddy a little while back, he’d become obsessed with animals and Jamie had become his icon. He was always asking when he could hang out with Belle and Jamie and when they could show him the animals and so on.

Jamie chuckles. “Of course, mate.”

Belle grins at her fiance and his little protege, before turning back to face Aaron. “Why’d you need him to be watched anyway?”

“Oh, uh, just meeting someone in a bit.” He glares at her when she raises an eyebrow and quirks her lip. “Shut it you.”

“I haven’t even said anything!” She puts her hands up in mock defense. “Although, I’ll admit I did think you’d be getting back together with Robert.”

Aaron shrugs. “That doesn’t seem to be in the plan right now.”

_But that doesn’t mean it won’t ever be._

***

Chas looks surprised to see Aaron when he walks in. “What’re you doing here? And where’s Seb?”

He rolls his eyes. “It’s a pub, innit? You’re supposed to expect people here.”

Ignoring the glare she gives him, he continues, “And Seb’s with Belle and Jamie for a few hours. Probably learning about a rare kind of guinea pig or summat.”

“Why?” She asks. “Is he with them, I mean.”

“... ‘Cause I’m meeting someone and didn’t think it’d be appropriate for him to tag along.”

She gets a look on her face. The one where she looks like she’s about to start prying.

“Who?”

“You don’t know ‘im. I’ve never even met him.”

Someone walks into the pub and Aaron recognizes him from his profile picture. “Until now, so…”

He walks away, not giving his mum time to say anything else. Robert walks in at the same time, and his expression is unreadable when he sees Aaron and the man.

Aaron offers him a small smile before turning to his date and properly introducing himself.

*

**_24 july 2021_ **

Liv feels her phone vibrate in her jacket pocket. Pulling it out to look at her screen she reads a text from Gabby.

_-can we meet tonight?-_

Then another one.

_-like now? at the pavilion-_

And then.

_-please? x-_

“I’ve gotta go.” Liv gets up and moves to go put her shoes on. She texts Gabby back.

_-yeah of course, be there soon-_

“Seriously? I’ve only just started making dinner!” Aaron calls from where he stands in front of the stove.

She rolls her eyes. “Well maybe if you hadn’t been out with some boy toy-”

“Oi!”

“... Then you would’ve gotten home earlier to make whatever it is you’re trying to make now. I’ll just eat later.”

“He wasn’t ‘some boy toy,’ it was just a date!” Aaron protests. “I’m allowed to go on them from time to time.”

And yes, Liv knows that’s technically true. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t hate it. Truth be told, the only person she thinks should be with her brother is living down the road.

“Whatever,” She sighs. “I’m meeting Gabby. Be back later.” And then she’s out the door.

Seb carefully pads down the stairs (Aaron’s warned him about moving too fast up or down their deathtrap staircase) a moment later. “Liv leaved?”

Aaron nods. “I guess she’s going to meet Gabby.”

Seb scrunches his face up in thought before asking, “Is Liv and Gabby lesbians?”

Aaron stops what he’s doing and looks at Seb. “What? What makes you think that? And how do you even know that word?”

His son shrugs. “Ness taught it to me. I think they are.”

“I… I’m pretty sure they’re just friends, monkey.”

“But maybe not…”

He doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know. He thought Liv would’ve told him. But maybe she wouldn’t.

***

When Liv arrives at the Pavilion, Gabby’s already there, sitting on the steps.

“Hey.” Gabby looks up at the sound of Liv’s voice.

“Hi, um…” She scooches over to allow room for Liv. If it weren’t for the light at the front of the Pavilion, the blush on Gabby’s cheek wouldn’t have caught Liv’s eye. She sits down next to her.

“Gabby, what’s going on? Why’d you want to meet tonight?”

Gabby bites her lip and their eyes meet.

“Has something happened?” Liv rests her hand on Gabby’s. “Gabs, you’re scaring me.”

“Everything’s fine Liv.” The brunette shakes her head. “I’ve just… had a lot on my mind.”

Liv tilts her head. “Okay…”

“I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff lately and it’s kinda terrifying but…” Gabby lets out a nervous giggle. “I can’t push it down anymore. Not with you.”

Liv sees the look in Gabby’s eyes. She thinks she understands it but doesn’t want to get her hopes up.

“I just…” Gabby inches closer. “I don’t want to mess things up.”

Liv’s heart is beating so hard against her chest. All she can really hear is her blood pumping in her ears.

“Not possible,” She breathes.

Next thing she knows, they’re kissing. It’s not like the last time, the first time. It’s softer, warmer, sweeter. Gabby’s hand rests on her cheek and she gets it. She gets why they’ve never been able to ever really be apart. This is where they’re meant to be. Together. The past five years have all been leading to this moment.

When they pull away, they laugh. Not because it’s funny, although Liv supposes it is a bit. They laughed in a sense of disbelief. A sense of relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: liv finds out about the reunion kiss ;)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> liv learns of robert and aaron's kiss and tries to do something about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (fyi the rest of the chapters will all take place in a span of a little over two months.)

**_3 august 2021_ **

Liv barely makes it down the stairs before Aaron’s asking her a question.

“Can you watch Seb tonight?”

He’s making breakfast (and by “making” she means he’s pouring Lucky Charms into a bowl for Seb, who’s happily babbling to himself about something at the table).

“Why?”

“Cause I’ve got plans, why else?”

She rolls her eyes. “So you’re still on all that then.”

He sits the bowl down in front of Seb and turns to face her. “On about what?”

“You know what,” She states. “These stupid dates.”

“How are they stupid?” He laughs, although it’s not very convincing. “I’m allowed to live my life, Liv.”

And she agrees, to an extent. But she knows her brother, and she can see that his heart’s not really in it. What she doesn’t understand, is why he’s not trying to get Robert back.

“They’re stupid when you already have someone that you love and who loves you.” She crosses her arms. “It’s ridiculous.”

Aaron shrugs his shoulders. As if that helps. “He wants me to move on.”

She scoffs. “And so what? You just do it? You don’t even try to get him back?”

Aaron glances over to Seb, who’s now watching something on Aaron’s tablet while munching on his cereal. Thankfully, he’s clearly oblivious to the conversation his dad and aunt are having.

“Well?”

He sighs, running his hand down his face. “I _have_ tried, alright? More than once.”

That stumps her. “Wait, what?”

Aaron nods, leaning against the kitchen counter. “We’ve had a few… moments... or whatever.”

Leave it to her brother to be vague. She has to gesture in order for him to continue.

“Well? Explain please!”

He looks like he doesn’t know how to get the words out. She can see his cheeks start to turn pink and she thinks, _Yeah, this is the brother that’s in love with Robert Sugden._

“We uh… kissed.”

She knows her eyes are probably the size of saucers but after spending her days hearing about useless gossip from Brenda or Bob, it’s weird to get information she actually gives a damn about.

“In April,” He adds. “The night he came back.”

“In Apr- _wow,_ okay.”

He just nods again and looks down at the floor. Liv knows he probably isn’t enjoying having this conversation with his little sister, but she also knows that he likely hasn’t told anyone else about this at all.

She moves closer to him. “And?”

He looks at her and there’s a hint of anger in his eyes. Not at her though, at someone else.

“What do you think, Liv? Obviously we didn’t get back together!” There’s a bitter tone in his voice and Liv feels her heart ache for him.

“So what happened then?”

Aaron huffs. “He stopped it. Said he didn’t want to ruin me or whatever. He’s been in that mindset since he got back.” He picks at the skin around his thumbnail. “So yeah, I’ve tried. But he doesn’t want it. Not now, at least.”

Liv can’t imagine a reason why Robert wouldn’t want to get back together with Aaron. She’d never seen two people love each other so much until she’d gotten to know Robert and Aaron. There’s no way this could last.

*

**_4 august 2021_ **

Liv walks up to Keepers Cottage just as Matty, Vic, and Harry are leaving. They seem to be going on some sort of picnic, which can only be expected of the happy little family of three.

“Is Rob in?” She points to the house and Victoria nods, pushing the door back open.

“Yeah, go on in if you’d like! We’re just heading out now.”

Liv nods as a thank you and heads into the house.

“Did you guys forget something?” Robert pops his head out of the kitchen and is surprised to find Liv there instead of his other sister or her boyfriend. “Liv! What’re you doing here?”

“Was wondering if you’d want to get lunch at the caf or somethin’ like that,” She offers.

He looks at the clock. “Well I was planning on going to Hotten to run some errands, but if you’d like, you could come with, and we could get something to eat in town?”

She grins. “Sounds great.”

*

**_flashback: letter (17 may 2020)_ **

_Dear Liv,_

_I’ll admit, most of my letters are usually addressed to that brother of yours. But I felt like I should write one to you, because you’re important too. You’ll always be important to me. I hope one day you’ll be able to see why I did what I did. You all deserve to live good, long, happy lives._

_I know you struggle sometimes and you’re hard on yourself, but I promise you’re not trouble or broken or any of the other things I’ve heard you say. You’ve got the most potential out of any of us, I know it. You’re incredible Liv, and so, so brave. Braver than me, that’s for sure._

_Are you still thinking about art school? You always did have a knack for all that. I swear you could put Da Vinci or Kahlo or Picasso or any of them to shame. And you better be doing your homework. I know Aaron’s kind of rubbish at helping with that, but there’s bound to be others who can and will help you (Doug, Gabby, Victoria, and so on)._

_I miss you. And I miss your brother. I miss the Mill. I miss our dysfunctional little family._

_I hope you’ll go on to do bigger and better things, Liv Flaherty._

_Love,_

_Rob_

*

**_4 august 2021_ **

Lunch and shopping went great. Liv missed spending time with Robert and being able to just talk about whatever (she’d told him about the current Gabby dating situation, which didn’t seem to surprise him (“I could’ve guessed” “Shut up”)). She hadn’t brought up his kiss with Aaron yet because she knew it would probably be a sore spot and Robert seemed to be in a really good mood today.

But now they were heading back to Keepers to drop off the bags from shopping and she knows she needs to bring it up.

“Hey Rob?”

He tilts his head to show he’s listening. “Hm?”

“Why won’t you get back with him?” She swallows. “Aaron, I mean.”

He stops walking for a moment, and she can see his body tense, but then he keeps moving.

“It’s complicated.”

“Not from where I’m standing, it isn’t.” She sees him open his mouth so she keeps talking. “And don’t say I don’t get it. I’m nineteen, Rob, I’m not exactly a kid anymore.”

Robert smiles. It’s a sad kind of smile. The kind that gives off a sense of melancholy.

“I know you’re not.” He sighs. “But I don’t know how to explain it to you, it just is what it is.”

“That’s a rubbish excuse.” She’s not going to let him get away with this. “Try to explain it to me, alright? And I’ll try to understand.”

They reach the door. Robert unlocks it and lets Liv go in first. Everyone else seems to still be out, which Liv is grateful for because it’ll be easier to try and get Robert to talk to her.

He sits down on the couch and she sits next to him, curling her legs up under her.

“Aaron told me you’re worried about ruining it?”

Robert doesn’t look at her, but for the first time since he got back she can really see how hard his time away hit him. The bags under his eyes, his chapped lips, the way he holds himself (or rather, doesn’t hold himself) when he knows he’s around people he can trust.

“Aaron loves you, Rob. And I know you love him. You can’t ruin him.”

He scoffs. It’s quiet but she hears it.

“I’ve hurt him before.”

She places her hand on his arm. “Yeah, you have. And maybe you’ll hurt him again. But you’ve also helped him. And he’s helped you.”

He pulls his arm away and she can see him shut down. “This isn’t a discussion, Liv. I’m sorry, but I- I just can’t. Aaron needs to move on, to be happy.”

“He’ll be happy with you!” She shouts, exasperated. “You can’t seriously be happy with him going on these dates!”

Robert shuts his eyes. Exhales. “It doesn’t matter what I think. He’ll be happier with someone else. Someone better. Someone good.”

She rolls her eyes. “Aaron doesn’t want someone g-”

“Liv. _Please._ Just drop it.”

He looks broken. He looks broken and she doesn’t know how to fix it. She just wants to help her brothers, but how can she when they don’t want to be helped?


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dates galore!!! + aaron has a well deserved rant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not much of robert in this chap, but he's _definitely_ in the next one. next chapter (ch. 15) is the longest one (and one of my favorites) so far, i believe.
> 
> \- eb

**_7 august 2021_ **

Aaron knows he should be paying attention to his date (Henry, if he remembers correctly). However, right after they gave Marlon their orders, Robert walked in. And now he’s sitting at the bar, nursing a pint, and Aaron’s finding it hard to focus on Henry’s story about his trip to the Alps with his college mates.

Part of him feels bad, because really, Henry (again, he’s pretty sure that’s his name) seems like a really great guy, but the other part of him can’t take his eyes off of Robert, who keeps stealing glances over at their table, jaw clenched in what can only be described as jealousy. Which Aaron is admittedly relishing until he makes eye contact with his mother, who sends him a glare that basically says _“Stop looking at your ex and pay attention to the nice man you’re on a date with”_ (more or less). She and Paddy had been thrilled that Aaron was going on these dates and hoped that they would help him to forget about Robert (easier said than done).

“And then we saw- hey, you alright?” Henry’s voice breaks through his thoughts, gentle and kind and Aaron feels a pang of guilt for using him to try and make his ex see sense (and yes, appease his parents).

Aaron shakes his head slightly. “Sorry, sorry, just got lost in my head for a moment.”

Henry doesn’t look affronted, just concerned. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, uh.” He decides to just say it. “My ex is here. It’s not a big deal, it’s a small village, it happens all the time but-”

“It’s still kinda weird?”

Aaron nods. Sure, in actuality he’s pleased that Robert’s here, seeing as making Robert jealous is the current goal (and he seems to be succeeding, judging by the grip the blond has on his glass), but Henry doesn’t know that and his mum doesn’t know that, so he’ll pretend to be bothered.

Henry offers a friendly smile and if Aaron were anyone else, he might be affected by it. He resists looking over to Robert at that moment.

“Do you wanna go somewhere else? We could see if there’s something at the cinema?”

_NO!_ Aaron’s brain basically screams. _Stay where Robert is._

But he also knows that it’ll drive Robert mad if they leave now. So instead, he grabs his jacket and says “Sure, let’s go.”

They pass an increasingly more tense Robert and Aaron gives him the most innocent smile he can muster up on their way out of the pub.

*

**_9 august 2021_ **

Liv’s lost in her head when she feels an apron hit the side of her face.

“Are you actually going to start working or are you going to stare at the produce all morning?” Jacob laughs when she glares at him.

“I was just thinking, you doughnut. You should try it sometime.” He flips her off, but in the way only a best mate could. The kind of gesture that should be prefaced with the words “With love,” like a cheesy valentine or a get well soon card.

Jacob grins before his face turns into something more worrisome. “Wait, what kind of thinking? Like an out of body thinking? Should I call Aaron? Or-”

She holds up a hand. “Relax Jake.” Then, she pauses. “I mean, keep an eye on me anyways, but I don’t think that’s what’s going on.”

_That_ being a seizure. Nearly everyone in the village knew to be on the lookout for signs of a fit from the young blonde but no one was more on top of it than Jacob. Except for maybe Aaron, of course.

Jacob lets out a small sigh of relief. “So what’s up then?”

She shrugs, trying to play it cool, but as per usual, Jacob can see right through it.

“You nervous about your date tonight?”

The glare she sends him is harmless and they both know it but she sends it anyways. Yes, she’s nervous about her date with Gabby, even though, yes, she probably doesn’t need to be.

“You’ve already passed the ‘does she like me back?’ stage, Liv, the next part should be a piece of cake.”

“No offense, but you’re hardly the go-to for relationship advice.”

He elbows her gently. “Agreed. However, you and Gabby have got this, I know you do. Everything will be fine.”

She groans. “Can we please talk about something else?”

“Fine.” He rolls his eyes as she hands him some cans to shelve. “How are things on the Aaron and Robert front?”

She groans louder.

“That bad, huh?” He grabs another handful from her.

“I just wish they weren’t both so stubborn!” She smooths down a crease on her apron. “I get why both of them are doing what they’re doing but I just…”

“Wish they _weren’t_ doing what they’re doing?” Jacob offers and she nods.

“They’ll get it sorted,” He states. “Even my dad was saying the other day that it’s inevitable they’ll get back together. The whole village knows it.”

She sighs. “I think Chas and Paddy would rather they didn’t.”

“Oh and Aaron and Robert are known for following the rules, right?”

They laugh as they head to the shop counter. Jacob has a point. If they do finally get their heads out of their own asses, Chas and Paddy won’t be able to stop them.

***

When the doorbell rings, Liv flies down the stairs, startling Aaron and Seb in the process.

“Woah, speedy! Why the rush?” He takes a good look at her. “And are you dressed up?”

Liv looks down at her jumpsuit. “Is it too much? … Or does it look too lazy?”

Her time picking out an outfit had embarrassingly enough been the longest time she’s ever spent in front of her closet.

“Depends… Are you going somewhere? And with who?”

Seb stands up on one of the dining room chairs to get a better look and Aaron immediately tells him to sit down.

“I wanna see!”

“Well you’ll break your neck if you do that! Just get down and move over here! And hey!”

Liv stops in her tracks. For a moment she thought she might be able to just slip out without another word.

“You’re not leaving until you tell me what’s up.”

She crosses her arms. “I’m nineteen. You can’t make me.”

“You live with me and-”

“And my name’s on the lease too, idiot.”

That stumps him but he quickly attempts to recover. “Just tell me what’s going on, Liv. Please?”

She sighs, feeling heat creep up onto her cheeks. “I kinda have a date.”

Admittedly, that came out as more of a mumble, but Aaron seems to have gotten the gist.

“A date? With who?”

Seb pipes up again, this time standing in front of his dad with a look of innocent curiosity displayed on his face. “Is it with Gabby?”

“Seb, shh…”

Liv’s eyes widen with shock and after realising why, Aaron mirrors her expression.

“Wait… really?”

She nods awkwardly.

“Right. Well obviously that’s fine. Doesn’t matter to me but uh…”

He looks like he’s trying to find the words. “Does this mean that you’re…”

“A lesbian?” Seb tries to help his dad get the words out.

Aaron nods. “What he said.”

“Uh yeah, yeah I think so.” She takes a step back towards the door. “I mean it’s all a bit complicated still and we can talk later if you want but uh, she’s waiting outside so…”

“Oh! Yeah, of course. Um, have fun?” Bless him, he’s trying.

She smiles and gives them a little two-fingered salute. “Thanks. See ya.”

As soon as the door shuts behind her, Seb’s tugging on Aaron’s hand.

“Hm?” He looks down and Seb’s grinning.

“Told ya!”

***

They’d opted to go into town because while Gabby had sort of come out to Diane and Bernice (and given them permission to tell other people if they feel the need because she knows how hard it is for them to keep secrets at the best of times) and Liv had no problems with what other people thought, they really didn’t want to have to deal with any questions or comments while they’re trying to figure things out too.

So now they’re sat outside at some little burger place (which Liv had actually heard about a few years back after Aaron and Robert went there) and while the nerves are still rather high, Liv has to admit it’s nice to be sat here and to be on a date with Gabby Thomas.

“I just want-” Gabby starts.

At the same time, Liv says “So…”

They both laugh and Liv gestures for Gabby to continue. “You go first.”

Gabby blushes and clears her throat. “Well, I guess I’m just glad that we’re here, ya know? I’m happy to be here right now… with you.”

She takes a deep breath. “It’s taken me a long time to figure this out.”

Liv smiles softly, meeting her eyes. “Yeah… I know what you mean.”

“But at least we’re getting it sorted now, right?”

There’s a glow in both their faces when Liv reaches across the table to take Gabby’s hand in her.

“Exactly.”

*

**_11 august 2021_ **

Liv’s rushing out of the house as Paddy, Chas, and Eve are coming in.

“Hi! Bye!” She takes the time to ruffle Eve’s curls before continuing on her way.

“What’s she in such a rush for?” Paddy asks.

Aaron looks up from where he’s sitting on the couch. “Oh, she’s just meeting Gabby for lunch.”

Chas grins. “Ah yes, I heard about their little blossoming romance.”

He rolls his eyes. “Course you did.”

Eve waddles over and calls out something unintelligible to her brother. He sets her on his lap, which seems to satisfy her.

“Seb!” He shouts. “Nana and Paddy and Evie are here!”

There’s the sound of rustling and running and then Aaron shouts again.

“And don’t run down the stairs!”

The movement slows down. Seb slowly but surely makes his way to the bottom of the stairs before making a beeline for Chas and Paddy.

“Hiya mate!” Paddy swings him up into his arms. “What’s that you’ve got there?”

Seb proudly holds out his giraffe from their trip a month ago. “Is Coco! Daddy Robert got him for me when he and Daddy took me to the zoo!”

“Very cute, Sebby.” Chas pinches his cheek. “Just like you!”

Seb giggles, “Nanaaaa…”

***

“So… how are the dates going?” Chas folds her hands on top of the table. Aaron supposes it’s an attempt to keep herself from coming on too strong.

“They’re fine.” He shrugs. “Only been on a few. Not a big deal.”

Chas scoffs, “It’s kind of a big deal though! I mean putting yourself out there… going out…”

“Not like I haven’t done it before.”

Paddy interrupts with a cough. “I-I think your mother just wants some details to tide her over for the next few weeks… you know, before she feels she can ask you again without you biting her h-head off.”

“Or she just wants to ensure I’m not going after Robert.” Aaron takes a swig of his beer. “You both do.”

Chas looks awkward, which confirms Aaron’s thoughts. “Well sweetheart you know we just want what’s best for you and-”

“And I can’t make that decision on my own now, can I?” He stares her down. “I think you both need to stop pretending that Robert’s some big villain who’s going to… ruin me.”

His mum looks affronted. “I don’t think Robert’s the worst man in the world by any means! I think he’s been great with Seb since he got back but…”

“But what? He’s shit when it comes to me? Because deep down you should know that’s not true.”

“L-look Aaron, we’re just looking out for you…” Paddy trails off once Aaron’s glare is fixed on him.

Aaron sighs. “I’m almost thirty years old, so I think I can look out for myself, thanks.”

He rubs the bridge of his nose and looks briefly over to where Seb and Eve are playing on the floor of the living room, peaceful and unaware. Then he looks back to Chas and Paddy, who seem somehow unconvinced that he’s a grown adult.

“Listen... regardless of me being old enough to make my own decisions. Which by the way, I’ve been able to do for a long time now. But anyways, regardless of that, this isn’t like before. Where you guys would say Robert wasn’t right for me or that he’d hurt me. He’s not just a guy I’m just trying it out with anymore. There’s no uncertainty, no doubt in my mind, that he is the love of my life. Papers or no papers, Robert is my husband and it has never stopped feeling like he’s my husband.”

He takes a deep breath before continuing. “And even more than that, he’s my _family!_ He’s the father of my son and he’s been the most important person in my life for.... 7 years now. I know, okay? I _know_ he hurt me when he cut me off, but you don’t get to hate him for that because he only turned himself in so I didn't have to live a life away from you and all you’ve done since is talk rubbish about him and downplay what we had. Well that stops now. and I'm telling you now, if… if you ever say a single bad thing about Robert in front of Seb, we’re _done._ Okay?”

Aaron exhales and he can feel a load being taken off his chest.

“Alright... now that that’s off my chest, can we _please_ just agree that whatever happens between me and him is _none_ of your business?” He has an eyebrow raised and waits for a response, but all he gets are the shocked expressions on their faces. “Right… should I put the kettle on?”

It’s an innocent enough question to end on, and he gets up from his seat, hiding a smug grin from his parents. It felt good to say all that and God, he is gonna get Robert back come hell or high water. He’s going to get his husband back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the idea for this chapter's ending came from my wonderful beta reader and #1 collaborator, fran (you can find her on tumblr @ 2016moonlight). when she suggested ways to improve the ending i originally had, i couldn't say no when the concept was _so_ good.
> 
> also, as of right now, i have eighteen out of nineteen chapters written (ch. 19 is mostly planned out and will be written asap) so i'm thinking of moving to posting about two times a week now. please be patient (and kind) with me, and thank you all so much for your support on this fic, it means the world 💞💞💞
> 
> \- eb
> 
> (ps, as always, feel free to follow me on tumblr (friendlycitrus) or twitter (@flahertydingle) and we can become pals or whatever 💖)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a chapter of talks, new faces and familiar ones, and robert trying to figure out exactly what it is he should doing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at me, posting chapters just a few days apart ;)  
> also this chapter is 3.5k, oh my
> 
> \- eb

**_12 august 2021_ **

Robert has gotten into a routine when it comes to going to and from the Mill to pick up or drop off Seb. He pulls up and walks up to the door. Liv usually lets him in and finds something to make fun of him for. Aaron asks him something general but still personal so it’s not obvious he’s just trying to be polite. Seb gets yelled at for trying to launch himself down the stairs like a rocket full of excitement. Robert enjoys the little routine.

But this day was different. Aaron opens the door, a tired (and slightly forced) smile on his face.

“Seb had a bit of a late start this morning, so it might be a few minutes…” He shoves his hands in his pockets. “You want a cuppa or…”

“Yeah… sure.” He can’t help but smile at his ex-husband’s bedhead and overall tired demeanor.

Robert knows Aaron saw him while he was on that date with that bloke the other night. Robert was there long enough to know that he hated how it felt, watching Aaron with another guy. Even if he’s the one who wanted Aaron to move on so badly in the first place.

“So uh, how’d things go with your date the other night?” He knows how forced his question feels in his throat so he can only hope it doesn’t come across that way out loud.

Aaron’s back is turned to him as he makes Robert his cup of tea, but his back muscles tense at Robert’s question.

“Was alright. Might go out with him again later this week.”

Robert clenches his fist, only to quickly let go when Aaron turns around. “Wow. That’s… that’s great, Aaron.”

The younger man rolls his eyes. “You don’t have to pretend you like it, Robert.”

Robert feigns innocence. Well, sort of. “No, I’m- I’m really happy for you.” 

“Well you look like someone’s forcing you to spit out the words so just do me a favour and stop.”

“I-”

Aaron sends him a warning look. One he’s seen far too many times for his own good.

“Seriously, Robert. You seriously think that I believe for one second that you’re fine with all this? That you’re fine with me seeing other guys? Getting to know them? Taking them-”

“Of course I’m not alright,” Robert mutters, albeit louder than he meant. He can see a hint of a smile on Aaron’s face. “But I meant what I said. You deserve better.”

Aaron huffs out a laugh and Robert can feel the annoyance. 

“I can decide what _I_ deserve on me own, thanks.”

“I don’t exactly have the right to be upset about you dating someone, Aaron.”

Aaron just looks at him. “When has having the right to do _anything_ ever stopped you?”   
  


Robert hates that he’s right. But that doesn’t mean he’ll give in.

“I’ve made my mind up.”

“Have you now?” Aaron raises his eyebrows in clear disbelief. He can still read him like a book.

“Well,” Aaron continues. “When you get your head out of your arse, you know where I’ll be. That is, if I’m still available.”

They stare each other down and Robert has half the mind to jump him right then and there but right on cue, Seb marches his way down the staircase and shakes Robert out of his Aaron-fixated daze.

“Hi Daddy!” Seb dashes over and wraps his arms around Robert’s legs, looking up at his dad. “Sorry I took so loooong.”

Robert pulls himself together and grins down at his little boy. “Hey, that’s alright! You’re definitely worth the wait. Now-”

He briefly picks up Seb and points him in the direction of the door. “Go get your shoes on and let’s get going, eh?”

“Okay!”

Aaron sighs once Seb’s out of earshot. “Listen, I’m sorry for havin’ a go at ya. I just don’t think you should be bottlin’ all this up, that’s all. This is frustrating enough for me, I can’t imagine what it’s like living in that head of yours.”

Robert laughs because he’s Robert and he hates tension and awkwardness and turns things he doesn’t want to talk about into a joke. “Maybe it’s my time to go visit a shrink now.”

“You laugh, but that’s not the worst idea, Rob.”

Before Robert can say anything else, Seb’s tugging on his sleeve and trying to get him out the door. “You promised we could go to the fun fair!”

Robert picks him up and places him on his hip. “That’s right, I did, didn't I?”

“Just think about it Robert.”

He nods. Whether it’s a farewell or an agreement, Aaron doesn’t know.

*

**_flashback: letter (12 september 2020)_ **

_Dear Aaron,_

_I think we both (we being the version of you I have in my head writing these) know that I think of you all the time. Everything goes back to you. Always._

_I know I did all this so you could move on and be happy, but there’s always gonna be that selfish part of me that would do anything to keep that from happening without me. I’m pushing that down though. Because you deserve to be happy. So, so happy. With or without me. I think I can try to move past how much I hate the idea of it being without me if I just think of your smile. The look in your eyes when they light up._

_Anyways, you’ll never see this so it doesn’t matter what I say or think. But I love you._

_So much._

_Love,_

_Robert_

*

**_16 august 2021_ **

So the truth is, Robert had set up an appointment with a counselor back in May. He’d gone back and forth with the idea of cancelling it but Aaron had a point, it’s not the worst idea.

“How long have you been out of prison, Robert?” The counselor, Alison, interrupts his thoughts. She seems nice enough. There’s a hint of a Scottish accent, but it’s not strong, which tells him she’s lived in England for quite some time. She’s got dark red hair, the color kind of reminds him of his mum. 

He clears his throat. “Um, a little over four months.”

“It must have been quite the change comin’ back here after being away.”

Robert nods. 

“Why don’t you tell me about the people you’ve come back to?”

“Uh, well there’s my sister, Victoria. I’m staying with her and her boyfriend, Matty, and their son, Harry. But, uh, Harry’s the product of Vic… being… raped. The rapist, he’s the one I hit. The one I thought I killed.”

“How did you feel, when you found out you hadn’t been the one to kill him?”

Robert bites his cheek. “Relieved. Angry. Nervous.”

“Nervous? About what?”

He shrugs. “Coming home, I guess. I’ve got a son. He’s three now but he wasn’t quite two when I went away. And then there’s my ex…”

“His mother?”

He blinks. “Um, no. We weren’t really ever together, per say. I’ve got an ex-husband.”

“Oh, sorry! Shouldn’t have assumed.” 

He knows she means it. Anyone would make the same mistake after he’d just mentioned having a kid.

“So, what about this ex-husband of yours?”

“Aaron’s… Well I don’t really know where to start.” Robert sighs. “He’s a better person than me. Stronger.”

“How was your marriage before prison?”

He nods. “Good. Really good. We were happy. We uh, we were starting down the surrogacy route.”

“That’s a pretty big step. Couldn’t’ve been easy letting that go.” She watches him shake his head and continues, “Have you tried to reconcile at all?”

“He’s tried to get back together a few times, but I’ve stopped it.” He shakes his head. “I don’t want to ruin things again. It’d be too much.” 

He thinks about what he said back when they’d gotten back together the last time.

_I’d rather never have you back than lose you again._

“But what about the chance that things wouldn’t get ruined again?”

He huffs, “They would. Trust me.”

She smiles gently. “No one can predict the future, Robert. Not as far as I’m aware anyway.”

“Well I can’t risk it again.”

“Can’t you?”

And honestly? He’s been asking himself the same question.

*

**_20 august 2021_ **

The drive to Liverpool didn’t seem as long as Robert thought it might. He hadn’t taken Seb on a longer car trip since he was one and Victoria had mentioned he’d gotten kind of restless the last time she’d taken him to see Rebecca. But, Seb seemed perfectly content on the ride up, pointing out different colors of cars and reading his own version of his picture book. 

He helps Seb out of the car after they pull up to the house and the little boy runs to the front door and knocks, with Robert right behind him (he didn’t run, it’s just not that hard to catch up to a three year old).

Rebecca opens the door with a wide grin on her face. “Hi baby!”

She swoops the redhead in for a hug and he giggles. “Hi Mumma!”

Rebecca moves aside to let Robert step inside. “Hi Robert, it’s good to see you.”

“You too, Bex.”

“Thanks for bringing him.” She swings Seb gently in her arms before setting him down and closing the front door.

Robert shrugs. “It’s really no problem. And hey, I’m sorry I haven’t really been in touch since I got out, it’s just-”

“A lot to adjust to, I’m sure.” Rebecca gives him an understanding smile. “I can’t even imagine.”

Seb opens up his backpack. “Mumma! Got you pictures!”

He holds up a small stack of pictures that Robert knows Vic had printed when she went into town recently, for him to take to Rebecca. 

“Well, let’s sit down and you can show us, alright?”

Seb nods, climbing up onto the middle of the sofa, all smiles while Robert and Rebecca sit on either side of him.

There’s one of everyone at Robert’s birthday party (“Daddy Robert had a party and Liv and I got to go!”), and another one of Aaron and Seb at the pub (“Nana Chas lets me sit on the bar sometimes but only if Daddy’s there to make sure I don’t fall”). There’s an especially cute one of Seb “reading” to Harry at Diane’s place (“Nana Diane says I tell good stories!”), and one where Jamie’s helping Seb feed a kitten (“Jamie and Belle tell me so much things ‘bout animals”). Rebecca oohs and ahs in all the right places and tells Seb she’ll put them on her fridge and on her walls, which makes him pretty pleased.

Robert’s impressed with how well Rebecca’s doing. He tells her so himself while they’re sitting at her dining room table. 

“Thanks!” She grins. “Yeah, I’m probably never going to be stable enough on my own, but I’ve got a good counselor and a couple of friends who take turns checking up on me just about every day. So you know, it could be worse.”

She pauses before blushing. “There’s even a guy who I’m kinda seeing.”

“Oh?”

She nods. “It’s nothing super serious, but we met through one of the friends I’ve made here and we’ve been on a few dates. He’s a personal trainer and he’s very sweet.” 

“Good. You deserve that, after everything…” He trails off. He’s not really sure if he should bring up Ross.

But Rebecca doesn’t seem to mind. She just sighs calmly. “Yeah, I wondered how things would be, after Ross. But honestly? I feel the best I have in a long while. I’ve got a good community here.”

He smiles, “I’m pleased for you, Bex, really. But I feel like I should ask…”

“If I’ll ever ask for full custody of Seb back?”

Robert nods. He was thinking about it a lot, ever since Victoria got back from her last visit to see Rebecca and told him how well she was doing. As selfish as it may be to admit it, he’d hate to have to go through losing Seb all over again. 

“Look, I know how much he loves Emmerdale. And now that he’s getting older, he’s way more attached to it than when we first left. And he loves Aaron, worships him, even. I knew Aaron was a good dad, but he’s turned out to be way better than I could’ve imagined.” She smiles and looks over to where Seb’s playing on the floor. “As much as I would love to have him back here full time one day, I think right now his home is the village, and I couldn’t take that away from him.”

She must see the look of relief on Robert’s face because she raises her eyebrows. “But hopefully, if I keep getting better, I can have him visit more often? And if things continue to go well with this guy and if he moves in, maybe Seb could come up and stay for a weekend instead of just an afternoon.”

“I’m sure we can work something out.”

***

“So what’s going on with you and Aaron?” 

They’ve been at Rebecca’s for close to two hours now and he’s helping her find places for the pictures Seb brought her. He almost drops one of him and Seb at the playground when she brings up Aaron’s name.

“What do you mean?” He feels like he’s failing at trying to come off cool.

“Well, I remember looking at my notes from when Vic visited and she said you two weren’t back together.”

“Oh.” He clears his throat and pins the picture to the wall. “Uh, no, we’re not.”

He looks over and sees that she’s giving him one of those looks, the one that tells him he’s an idiot.

“Why?” She hands him another picture, one of Seb with Isaac at the scrapyard. He can feel her judgement and confusion.

“It’s just not really in the cards right now.”

Rebecca raises an eyebrow. “He doesn’t want to?”

“That’s not necessarily it…”

She scoffs, “ _You_ don’t want to?”

He doesn’t respond, so she keeps talking. 

“After everything, it seemed like you and Aaron were a forever kind of deal. No matter what happened, it would be you and him in the end. You’re telling me you, Robert Sugden, are just giving up on that?”

“I didn’t say I was giving up..”

“That’s what it sounds like to me.” 

Her voice isn’t necessarily harsh, but it’s not exactly kind either. She’s just talking to him straight. No cushions, no weapons. Just telling him what she thinks he needs to hear.

“You love him, Robert. Come on, you must still. You’ve said it yourself, no one’s ever come close to him.” She gives him a sort of sad smile. “Don’t give up on that. Even if your head is telling you that you should. What’s your heart saying?”

He huffs out a sigh. “It doesn’t matter what my heart’s saying. I’m not going to risk everything falling apart again. Not when he means so much. Besides, I divorced him. I made that decision. I can’t just waltz back in, I haven’t earned that. It’s better if I just save him the trouble.”

“That’s only going to end up hurting you both.”

He knows she’s right. They’re too similar for him to ignore that. But there’s still a part of him that’s so beyond scared of fucking it all up again that he doesn’t want to risk it.

***

_“Hello?”_ Aaron’s voice answers the phone.

“Hey Aaron,” Robert responds, one hand on his phone and the other tapping on his steering wheel. “So… we seem to have hit a bit of standstill traffic, so it’s going to be later when I bring him back. And because it’s getting so close to dinner I just figured I’d stop somewhere on the way, if that’s alright with you?”

Aaron’s quiet for a moment, before he speaks again. _“Yeah, sure Robert that’s fine. Uh, if you wanted to keep him over night with you at Vic’s, that’d be fine. I’m sure Seb would love to. I can have Liv drop off some clothes for him on her way to dinner with Gabby.”_

Robert’s surprised. Aaron’s never offered to let Seb stay the night with him before. Maybe he wants an empty house though. He had mentioned that he was going to see that one guy again…

He pushes the thought out of his head. That is one thing he does not want to think about. 

“If you’re sure?”

_“Yeah, of course. Might be a bit busy tonight, so, ya know…”_

Robert shouldn’t hate this. He wants Aaron to move on.

Well… he doesn’t, but it’s for the best… right?

“Right! Well, I’ll just keep him. For tonight, I mean.”

Aaron chuckles. _“See ya tomorrow then?”_

_Oh, he’s enjoying this…_ Robert thinks.

“Tomorrow?”

_“When you drop Seb back at mine?”_

His heart drops at the mention of the Mill being his. Not theirs. Not like it used to be. But that’s his problem, not Aaron’s.

“Right! See you then!” Robert hangs up, because there’s no way he could continue after that.

He turns briefly to look at Seb, who’s lazily clutching onto Coco the stuffed giraffe. “Hey bud? What d’ya think about staying with me tonight? At Auntie Vic and Uncle Matty’s.”

He sees Seb’s face light up in his rearview mirror. “Like a sleepover?”

“Yeah, kinda,” Robert chuckles. “And hey, once we get movin’ again, we can go and see if we can find some place that serves burgers for us to eat.”

Seb seems pleased with all of that, so Robert supposes that he is too.

***

Aaron sets down his phone and catches Dawn rolling her eyes at him from across the portacabin.

“What?’

“‘ _Might be a bit busy tonight, so… ya know…_ ’” As far as impressions of him go, it’s not the best. Not that any of the ones he’s heard have ever been particularly good.

Dawn shakes her head and laughs. “You and I both know the busiest it’s going to get tonight is us downing a couple of beers and playing a game of who can hit the other with the most paper balls.”

He shrugs. “Sounds like a pretty busy night if you ask me.”

“It _sounds_ like you wanted to make Robert think that you were gonna have a guy over. Without _actually_ having to actually have a guy over.”

“If that’s what he got from it then that’s what he got from it.”

She looks at him in disbelief. “You are un-fucking-believable, you know that?”

He feels his eyes go wide. “What?”

“All of this has just been some ploy to make him jealous, hasn’t it? And to get Chas and Paddy off your back too, I reckon.”

His silence gives her her answer.

“Thought so.”

“Listen, I wouldn’t be doing this if he wasn’t so convinced it’s for the best!” He throws a wad of paper (probably a receipt of some sort) at her.

She ducks. “And you don’t think it is?”

Aaron lets out a loud sigh and kicks his legs up onto his desk. “I know him better than anyone Dawn, alright? He’s doing this whole ‘you deserve better’ shit because he thinks he doesn’t deserve anything after what he’s done. He’d rather suffer himself than risk suffering more if things go bad again.”

Dawn seems to be understanding. She tosses the paper back to him. “So the plan is… to just make him jealous enough that he cracks?”

He nods and then hesitates. “Well… If for some reason that doesn’t work then I’ll have to move onto to plan B, but yes.”

“And what’s plan B?”

“I’ll tell you if we get there… and if I figure out what it’ll even be…”

She laughs again. “You’re a mess. But I admire your determination, I’ll give you that.”

*** 

Liv had dropped Seb’s pajamas and stuff off, like Aaron said she would. It was there before they even arrived back at Keepers, which was nice because it had gotten fairly late so Robert needed to start getting Seb ready for bed.

He hustled Seb inside and ushered him up the stairs and to the bathroom to brush their teeth. 

“Did you have fun today?”

Seb nods, toothpaste foaming out of his mouth but unable to hide the grin on his face.

“I like seeing mumma. And spendin’ time wif you.”

Robert ruffles Seb’s ginger locks, causing the three year old to giggle and bits of toothpaste fly into the sink. 

“I like spending time with you too.”

Once finished with their teeth, Robert puts Seb in pajamas (Thomas the Train Engine ones that he’d been told were his favorites and a gift from Chas) and tucks him into bed before putting his own on and sliding into the other side.  
  
“Daddy?” Seb’s voice is hushed and tiny. It makes Robert’s heart swell.

Robert yawns, “Yes Seb?”

“D’ya still love Daddy? Like you say earlier?”

Robert’s heart stops for a second. Seb’s referring to the day at the park a few months ago.

“Why do you wanna know?”

He can see Seb shrug through the light that comes from the crack he left in the doorway. 

“Jus’ do. An’ he loves you too. I know.” Seb’s voice is slow and tired and before Robert can say anything else in response, the boy’s soft snores are filling the room.

‘Yeah Seb,” He eventually whispers back. “Yeah, I still love him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> robert's really goin' through it lads... but he's coming around so there's hope yet!
> 
> \- eb


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> liv tries talking to rob, aaron talks to seb, and both conversations end up on similar topics

**_21 september 2021_ **

Robert smiles when Liv hands him a biscuit. When she’d asked him to meet her in the backyard of the Mill, he’d been a bit confused as to why, but he accepted nonetheless.

“Not that I wouldn’t appreciate just sitting here and eating biscuits with you, but… why did you call me over, exactly?”

“Is it a crime to just want to hang out with ya?”

Robert chuckles, “I think that depends on who you ask.”

She grins cheekily at him and nudges him with her elbow. “You’re not all bad, ya know.”

“Again, might wanna check your sources there, Olivia.”

She scoffs and shows mock offense at the use of her full name, shoving him slightly.

He laughs again. “Okay, okay. But seriously, what do you wanna talk about, Liv?”

Liv’s face drops, going serious. She shifts in her seat, pulling at the sleeves of her hoodie. Robert can never help but note how similar she is to her brother.

Speaking of her brother…

“So Aaron’s still going on dates…”

Robert sighs, pinching at the bridge of his nose. “Liv…”

“I know you told me to leave it, but come on, Rob,” She rolls her eyes. “You can’t seriously be fine with this. You guys have so much history and- and you had all of these things planned that you could still get back to!”

He raises an eyebrow. “Like what exactly?”

“You could get married again! And raise Seb! And then there’s the surrog-” She stops when she sees him let out a shaky breath.

“No one is gonna want to carry a baby for two guys who’ve been locked up, Liv. It was hard enough before but now I’ve gone and screwed that up even more for Aaron.” He stands up. “Trust me. It’s better if I just let him be.”

*

**_flashback: letter (12 september 2020)_ **

_ Dear Aaron, _

_ It’s me again.  _

_ It’s always me though, isn’t it? There’s no one else here. No one else even reads these. Just me… _

_ Do you ever think about where we’d be right now if it weren’t for me getting locked up? To think that we might be getting ready to have a baby right now. I still think it’d be a girl. I know all I have to back me up is that weird dream I had, but part of me thinks dreams hold some truth.  _

_ But maybe not… since now I’m in here for the next thirteen years…  _

_ Anyways, yes, I still think she’d be a little girl with your eyes and maybe even your smile. Liv would teach her how to run circles around you and Seb would be the best big brother. God, you’d probably be in a panic throughout the whole pregnancy. And after. And probably until she’s eighteen. No wait, after that too.  _

_ And if she was a he, obviously that’s fine too. But I think she’d be a girl. And she’d have us in the palm of her hands. _

_ I’m sorry we can’t have that together. _

_ Love,  _

_ Robert _

*

**_22 september 2021_ **

Okay, so maybe letting Seb play in Aaron’s room while he cleaned wasn’t the most productive choice, but it certainly beat cleaning by himself. And he needed to clean. His room was a bit of a disaster and if he’s being honest, he needs a distraction from all this Robert stuff for a few hours. It’s exhausting trying to convince your ex-husband that you’re moving on in order to make him jealous… Who knew?

Although, like most three years olds, Seb has questions. About everything.

“What’s that?” Seb sits on Aaron’s bed and points at something on the top of the dresser.

“Uh, an old can.” (From who knows when. God, he should clean more).

Seb looks over to one of the bedside tables. “And what’s that?”

Aaron squints. “I think… that’s a car magazine.”

“I look?” 

Aaron shrugs, “Go for it, monkey.”

Seb smiles, tucks Coco under his arm, and starts flipping through the magazine, giving Aaron a slight break from all the questions. 

Aaron continues sorting through things. He finds pens and candy wrappers and a lot of dirty clothes. 

“What’s this, Daddy?”

Aaron freezes. Seb must have found something in the magazine.  _ Please don’t be a condom, please don’t be a cond- oh. _

He turns and finds Seb holding up a brochure. A surrogacy brochure.

“Finded in the ‘zine.” Seb holds it out in his little hands and Aaron takes it from him, unsure of what to say. Part of him feels like it was so long ago, but the other part of him remembers it all like it was yesterday.

“It bad?” His son looks at him with his big blue eyes and Aaron can’t help appreciate his concern.

He shakes his head and sits next to him on the bed. “No mate, it’s not bad. It’s just from a long time ago. Back when me and Daddy Robert were still together.”

“What is it?” Seb tilts his head to the side and Aaron sighs, trying to figure out how to explain it to him.

“Well it’s like… Have you ever wanted a little brother or sister?” Aaron studies Seb’s face for any sign of recognition. “Like ya know how Daddy has Liv and Evie and-”

“And Gracie,” Seb nods, understanding a bit more.

Aaron gives him a small smile. “Yes, and Gracie.”

Seb shrugs. “Seems fun.”

Aaron laughs, “It can be, yeah.”

Then he points to the flyer. “This is from a time when we were thinking about giving you a little brother or sister. I don’t know if that makes sense to you but-”

“You an’ Daddy Robert?” Seb asks. “When yous was hubbands?”

“Hus-bands,” Aaron laughs again and messes with Seb’s hair. “But yes.”

Seb trots Coco along Aaron’s leg. “And ‘nother baby?” 

That hits Aaron harder than he thought it would. He had wanted that baby with Robert so bad. Even though Aaron was the one constantly telling Robert to not get his hopes up about the surrogacy, he dreamt about it all the time. This was obviously all before everything with Lee happened, but he was in love with the idea of expanding his and Robert’s family. He thought about names (Annie or even Grace for a girl, maybe Elijah for a boy, and so on) and how Robert would somehow be the more laid back parent. How his mum would spoil the baby rotten and how Liv would no doubt have taught them how to get into all kinds of mischief by the time they’re school aged. Aaron wants to get back to all of that. Maybe he was getting ahead of himself. He hasn’t even got Robert back (yet), but in this moment, with him talking to their first kid (who was growing up so brilliantly) and knowing that Robert was back in the village - something he thought wouldn’t happen for a  _ really _ long time… maybe all those imaginary dream scenarios could actually still come true. It’d be difficult, considering their records, but they’d find a way. They always did.

“A sister could be really nice.” Seb breaks through Aaron’s thoughts, curling up against his side.

Aaron chuckles, pulling him close. And he lets himself think,  _ Wouldn’t it? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip the 2019 surrogacy sl am i right? here's to hoping one day robron'll get their baby one day.
> 
> \- eb


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron and robert have some realizations, some valid, some misled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're almost to the end of wwwaf! thanks to everyone who's been reading! 💕😊
> 
> \- eb

**_24 september 2021_ **

Liv answers the door when it rings and finds a man she doesn’t know there, but she can guess from what little information Aaron gave her that this is Henry, Aaron’s date for the night.

She begrudgingly steps aside to let him in, but doesn’t say a word to him, instead she just walks over to the bottom of the stairs and shouts at Aaron to tell him that his… date is here.

“You must be Liv.” Henry offers her a warm smile. One that she does not return.

“Yup.” She pops the ‘p’ at the end of the word and plops herself down onto the couch next to Gabby.

“And you are?” He looks over to Gabby from where he awkwardly stands in the entryway.

Liv rolls her eyes. “Bit nosy aren’t you?”

Gabby pokes her side, and then to spite her, she smiles at Henry. “I’m Gabby. Liv’s girlfriend.”

There’s a warm, fuzzy feeling in Liv’s chest at the word “girlfriend” and for a moment she forgets that she’s trying to be the “couldn’t care less” little sister. But that returns as soon as Aaron comes stomping down the stairs with Seb in his arms. She watches as he offers a half-genuine smile to Henry, who waves hello to the two of them, before placing Seb in between herself and Gabby.

“Right, you know the drill. Call me if need be, don’t hop him up on sugar, nothing on screen that’ll scare him, so on and so forth.” He shoves his hands in his jacket pockets, no doubt searching for his wallet and phone. 

Finally landing upon what he was looking for, he gives a short nod before kissing the top of Seb’s head and tugging on Liv’s ponytail. “Behave yourselves.”

“When do we ever not-” Gabby stops herself. “Actually, don’t answer that.”

“Nice meeting you all!” Henry gives them another bright smile and Liv once again rolls her eyes, which Aaron catches and then gives her a look that shows he’s not impressed. As if he actually cares what she thinks of this guy.

***

Robert had offered to stay home with Harry for the night so that Vic and Matty could have some well deserved alone time and Victoria could not be more grateful.

“Seriously Rob, you are a  _ lifesaver! _ ” Vic kisses his cheek and then Harry’s before flattening out a crease in her dress. “Thank you  _ so much _ for this.”

Robert laughs, “There’s no need to thank me, Vic. You’ve been hosting my sorry arse for almost six months, it’s the least I can do. Plus, how can I turn down time with my brilliant little nephew?”

Harry gurgles happily as if he knows he’s being complimented and Robert can see that Victoria’s about to start fawning over her son in a way that could last for way too long so he starts attempting to usher her out of the living room and towards the door, where Matty stands with an amused but slightly anxious look on his face.

“Babe, our reservation is at six-thirty, we should really leave now…”

Vic opens her mouth as if to reply but Robert stops her. “You heard him! Better get going.”

She scrunches up her nose at him but bids them farewell and takes Matty’s hand as they exit the house.

“Well buddy,” Robert shifts Harry from his right hip to his left. “Just you and me now. Whaddya say we watch some telly?”

Harry lets out some sort of coo in response and Robert takes that as a ‘yes.’

*** 

Henry’s a nice guy, really he is. He’s funny and kind and really smart. Aaron recognizes all of that with ease. What’s not easy though, is how Aaron feels about the matter. It’s the second “date” (Aaron can’t think of them as actually being dates) with Henry (there had been quite the gap in between the first and second one because Aaron kept finding ways to say that he was busy), and Aaron just feels guilty because well, in the simplest terms, his heart isn’t in it.

Honestly, Aaron isn’t even sure why he agreed to this date. Well, other than the fact that he knows word will get around to Robert and his parents, as well as the fact that a small part of him wants to know more about Henry’s trip to Hungary because it seemed like it was a really cool trip. Seriously, this guy has been  _ everywhere  _ and he’s only twenty-seven.

But even with exciting tales of fascinating discoveries and drunk adventures in foreign countries, Aaron’s only got one thing on his mind.

Well, one person.

***

Robert finds a bunch of photo albums after he’s put Harry to bed. 

He skims through the ones of them as kids, occasionally stopping on pictures of their mum and gran. He doesn’t really want to dwell on thoughts of his dad right now. 

It’s when he gets to more recent years’ books that he starts to go slower. He can’t help but chuckle at a picture of him, Aaron, Adam, and Vic, remembering that day in 2016 when Victoria decided to use the timer on her phone to get a picture of the four of them that wasn’t a selfie. It was all set up and everything looked good, until Robert tickled Aaron’s side and Adam got an elbow to the gut in response. It was during the trial and Robert remembers it being the first time Aaron fully laughed in ages.

There’s loads more photographs of great memories. Liv pulled a “get me out of here” face in a picture from their second wedding, but it’s not convincing because there’s a brightness in her eyes that you can’t miss. Another picture has Seb beaming as Aaron pushes him on the swings. But it’s a picture near the end of one of the albums that really stops him in his tracks and makes his chest feel tight.

It’s from that last summer before he went to prison. There are so many bad memories from that summer but you wouldn’t guess that from the way they look in the picture. It’s just him and Aaron in the garden of the Mill. He thinks he remembers it being a weekend where Seb was visiting, and Liv was chasing him around in the grass. That’s why they’re laughing in the photo. They look so happy and unbothered in that moment. He misses times like those. He misses their family. He misses Aaron.

He’s not sure if being the bigger person is going to work for much longer.

*

**_27 september 2021_ **

Robert honestly feels pretty good. Not fantastic by any means, but he’d had another appointment with Alison and he feels like he’s actually making progress, albeit very slowly. They’d had a good chat about moving forward in life and trying not to dwell on the past as much and it actually made some sense to Robert, so he’d decided to celebrate by getting himself something from the cafe.

Only now he’s stood inside there and all he can see is some man’s hand on his ex-husband’s shoulder. Not just any man either. It’s the guy who he saw Aaron on a date with a few weeks back. Of course this would happen. Of course Aaron would finally move on just when Robert’s getting ready to try again with him. 

***

Aaron and Henry are by no means in a relationship. But when Aaron told him that things weren’t ever going to work out romantically between them, Henry was understanding and they’d decided to get coffee just to chat and let’s be honest, Aaron doesn’t exactly have a whole lot of friends.

It was honestly a lot easier to be friends with each other because Aaron didn’t have that weird guilt for only thinking about Robert and he could instead just listen to Henry talk about his travels and he could talk about Liv and Seb and all the crazy shit that happens in a small village. 

He sees Robert in the cafe before Robert sees him. He looks… happier. He’s on the phone to someone (probably Vic) and Aaron can just make out what he’s saying.

“Yeah, things went really well with Alison today. We seem to connect well or whatever, which I suppose is a good thing.” He ends his sentence with a nervous chuckle and Aaron’s heart drops.

Whoever this Alison is, she’s done a number on Robert, if his smile is anything to go by. And Aaron hates it. Yeah, he wants Robert to be happy, but the idea of him possibly having someone else is enough to make his stomach turn. 

It’s after he hangs up that Robert notices them. Aaron can see him out of the corner of his eye but as soon as he turns his head to look properly, Robert’s back is towards him and he’s leaving the cafe.

“That your ex that you’ve told me about?” Henry asks, eyebrow raised.

Aaron just nods.

“You still love him, huh?”

Another nod and he bites his lip. “Yeah. I do. Only I don’t know how he feels anymore.”

*

**_flashback: scotland (1 march 2020)_ **

Scotland has been really good for Aaron. He enjoys working with Debbie and taking Jack to the park and going on walks with Uncle Zak, like he is now.

“Wait up lad!” Zak calls from behind him. “These legs ain’t what they used to be.”

“Excuses, excuses.” Aaron teases back, but waits for him nonetheless.

When Zak’s beside him again, they get back to walking. It’s quiet between them for a bit, before Zak starts up a conversation, which is how it usually goes on their walks.

“How’s Scotland been treatin’ ya, boy?”

Aaron blows out some air and shrugs. “Alright, I suppose. It’s been helpin’ me get my head sorted again, so I can’t complain ‘bout that.”

“I know this losin’ Robert business can’t be easy for you. It’s difficult, someone bein’ ripped away from ya.”

“It’s nothing compared to you losin’ Lisa though, Uncle Zak…” Aaron slows down so Zak can keep up.

The elder man sighs. “It’s not nothin’ Aaron, it’s somethin’, and a big somethin’ at that. Maybe your Robert didn’t die, like my Lisa did, but you’re still grievin’ for him in a similar way. You’re still missin’ what you’ve lost, aren’t ya?”

Aaron fiddles with the zipper of his jacket and nods.

He lets out another breath. “I just… I don’t know how to move on, Uncle Zak. And more than that, I don’t want to. At all.”

Zak pats his shoulder. “I know what you mean, lad. It’s hard to know what comes next in situations like these. I try not to think too much about it, ‘cuz it hurts, but also ‘cuz it just feels like there’s too much to do.”

Aaron understands. “There’s too much pressure.”

He looks at his uncle and feels a sense of relief wash over him. Maybe he’s still suffering in a post-Robert world, but at least he’s got people who understand what he’s going through.

*

**_30 september 2021_ **

_ -come to the mill asap- _

That’s all he got from Liv and it’s all it took to have him practically running up the street to get there, only to have him standing outside the door for five minutes.

When he knocks on the door again, Aaron’s gruff voice can be heard from inside the house.

“Alright, alright! I’m comin’! Jesus…” He opens the door and motions for Robert to come in. “Where’s the fire?”

Robert looks at him, confused.“What?”

“Well you’d think there was an emergency or summat the way you were tryna pound the door down.”

“Liv texted. Said I needed to be here as soon as possible.” He pulls out his phone and shows Aaron the text.

Now Aaron’s the confused one. “Liv and Gabby took Seb and Dotty to a children’s museum in Hotten. Left about an hour ago.”

Robert groans. Of course she did.

Aaron chuckles. “She set us up. Typical Liv, eh?”

“Suppose so.” Robert’s panicked state turns sour, remembering seeing Aaron and his date at the caf.

“Everything alright?”

Robert huffs. “Yeah, course. Should probably leave though, don’t want your new boyfriend to get the wrong idea.”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “Don’t really think there’s anything to be worried about.”

The blond shakes his head. “No, you’re right, I don’t get to-“

“Oh stop with the fucking pity party, Robert. Just admit that you’re jealous and you’re scared. It’s okay!”

Their eyes lock and Aaron thinks he can hear both of their hearts pounding. But Robert just swallows hard and turns around and walks back out the door, leaving Aaron alone to his thoughts yet again.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to follow me on tumblr @ friendlycitrus and twitter @flahertydingle 🌹


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert and aaron reminisce, there's another letter, and aaron and victoria have a chat

**_1 october 2021_ **

Seb tugs his bobble hat down with one hand, the other gripped tightly onto Aaron’s as they make their way to the cemetery. The first of October is by no means Aaron’s favourite day of the year, but it’s an important one nonetheless. It may be the day his little sister died, but it’s also the day she was born, so that’s something that deserves celebrating. Seb’s been understanding that more this year than the one prior (last year he’d been fairly impatient when they visited Gracie’s grave but this year he seemed quite keen on going to see her and so Aaron figured they’d go a bit earlier than the planned time for the rest of the family and friends).

“Daddy!” Seb tugs on his hand and Aaron hums in response.

“What’s up mate?”

Seb shakes his head, bobble shaking with him. “No! Other daddy!”

He points up ahead and sure enough, there’s Robert, standing in front of Grace’s grave with a small bouquet of flowers.

“Daddyyyyy! Hiiiiii!” Seb lets go of Aaron’s hand and runs himself into Robert, wrapping his arms tightly around his other dad’s legs.

Robert lets out a noise that’s a cross between an “oof” sound and a laugh and tilts Seb’s chin up with his fingers. “Hey there bud, you alright?”

Seb nods enthusiastically. “Daddy and I came ‘ere see Auntie Gracie for her birfday! You see Gracie too?”

“I am, actually, yes.” Robert’s voice softens when Aaron gets close. “Um listen, I don’t want to intrude or anything but I wanted to pay my respects and heard your family was doing something at eleven so I figured I’d come earlier so as to not disrupt that. I didn’t hear the time wrong did I?”

Aaron feels his heart flutter at Robert’s sensitivity. “No, no, we just came a bit early, so you’re all good.”

“I can leave if-”

Robert takes a step back but Aaron grabs his arm with his hand. “Robert, honestly, it’s  _ fine. _ You were technically her brother-in-law.”

Aaron takes a deep breath and shoves his hands into his pockets, feeling the crisp autumn air. “I’m sorry about the other day, goin’ off at you like that.”

“S’ fine, you don’t need to apologise.” Aaron looks like he’s about to scold him, so Robert keeps talking. “Besides, there are more important things going on.”

Aaron can’t argue with that. “It feels like yesterday to me.”

Robert nods. “Yeah, me too. Your mum was… is seriously so strong. I don’t know how she does it.”

“Yeah, she’s incredible. No matter how much grief she causes me, she’s one of the greatest people I know.” Aaron smiles, a mixture of sadness and fondness. “What a day that was, huh? What started out as just being the day of our stag do…”

Robert sighs, a faint smile on his face as well.“The day started out so well… then things went south with Vic, but even then we still managed to have a pretty good night…”

“You an’ me singin’ karaoke,” Aaron huffs out a laugh. “Who would’ve guessed?”

Robert grins. “Just you, me, ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You,’ and a pub full of our crazy friends and family.”

“I couldn’t get your terrible singing out of me head for weeks though.” Aaron fakes a pained look.

“Oh, you can talk!”

They both laugh and Seb looks up at them with a smile, more than happy to see his dads getting along.

“It was a happy time... for the time being.” Aaron shrugs nonchalantly. 

“Yeah… yeah, it was.”

Whatever moment they’re having, it’s interrupted by the chatter of a thousand (okay maybe not a  _ thousand _ ) Dingles and company, with Chas and Paddy at the front of the flock.

“What’s he doing here?” Paddy jumps on the defensive and Aaron rolls his eyes before standing tall.

“He’s come to say hello to Grace, same as the rest of us, so don’t you dare have a go.” He makes eye contact with his mum, who seems unsure of what to make of her former son-in-law’s presence. “He brought her flowers an’ all. Just wanted to wish her a happy birthday.”

Paddy still seems unconvinced so Robert clears his throat awkwardly and starts to move away.

“Listen, I don’t want any trouble, so I’ll get out of your hair.”

But before he can move too far, Chas’ voice calls out, kinder than expected.

“I suppose… it’d be alright if you stayed. You were a part of her story too, after all.”

Chas doesn’t seem thrilled (not that today is a day for thrills anyway), but she’s not showing signs of resistance either. Robert decides not to test the waters any further and just moves quietly to go stand by Liv, who loops her arm through his.

This isn’t a day for worrying about the other stuff they’ve got going on in their lives.

*

**_flashback: letter (14 march 2020)_ **

_ Dear Aaron, _

_ I often wonder if you hate me for this. For being taken away from you, for cutting you off, for putting you through disaster after disaster, any of it. All of it, maybe. It’s not like I could know. _

_ Well, I could, but I won’t. I won’t do that to you. Not when you’re the most important thing in my life (even now). You deserve better than that. Better than another disaster. Another nightmare. _

_ But, God, I love you. And I miss you like hell. I don’t necessarily regret what I’ve done, but I am sorry for what it’s done to the rest of you. Especially you. You’re everything to me. I need you. But I won’t let myself have you. I won’t let my selfishness win this time. Not when it means putting you through fourteen years of phone calls and just looking at you from across a table. It’d be too much for either of us. _

_ I miss holding your hand. I know we didn’t really do that a lot, but now I wish we’d done it more. I’d give anything to touch you again. To kiss you. To just be on the other side of these prison walls with you. _

_ But I won’t let you put your life on hold for me. No matter how much it pains me not to talk to you everyday. I can’t do that to you. I’d never forgive myself. You’ve always deserved better than whatever kind of person I am. I hope you’re able to have the perfect life, Aaron. That’s all I want for you. And Seb. And Liv. And Vic. And the new baby. Please try. Then all of this will be worth it, even if I lose all of you in the process. _

_ I love you. Forever. _

_ Robert _

**_4 october 2021_ **

Aaron knows Victoria isn’t happy with him. He knows that it’s because he’s been going on dates. Dates with people who aren’t her brother. And yeah sure, she’s one of his best mates, but it’s not like he could’ve just casually been like  _ “Hey Vic, so I’m gonna start going on dates to make Robert jealous so don’t tell him. Anyways, any plans for Halloween?” _

So instead he’s kept quiet. Except now the animosity on Victoria’s end is building to a point where she might end up throwing a brick at him if he doesn’t explain himself.

So, after hearing from Matty that things had been slow recently at work for Vic, Aaron decides to pop over to the Woolpack and try to sort things out.

***

Aaron pokes his head into the kitchen. “Hey Vic, got a moment?”

Victoria seems apprehensive but waves him in anyways. He admittedly hadn’t seen her much recently.

“You alright?” 

She shrugs. “Oh,  _ I’m _ fine.”

  
“I haven’t given up on him.”

Vic pauses for a moment at his words, before shaking her head and continuing to chop up some carrots. “Could’ve fooled me.”

“I can’t just put my life on hold because he’s too stubborn to let himself be happy, Vic.”

She sighs and puts the knife down. “So you thought you’d just lead him on and then rub your romantic life in his face?”

“That’s not what I was doing! I figured if words weren’t enough to convince him that I still wanted him, then maybe by doing what he pretends is for the best, it would help him wake up and realize what a stupid idea me moving on is.”

“And how’s that working out for ya?” She’s got a look on her face that’s halfway between genuine curiosity and deadly glaring.

Aaron rubs his face. “Admittedly not well… I’ve just been going to dinner with guys I don’t give a toss about… because they’re not him, are they?”

She nods as if to say  _ too right. _

“Besides, I heard him in the caf the other day. Seems like he’s been doing his own moving on so it sounds like my plan backfired.” He leans against one of the counters.

Victoria’s face turns into full on confusion. “What the hell are you on about?”

Aaron squints. “I figured he was on the phone to you when I heard? This Alison woman…”

His heart sinks just by mentioning her name. And then Victoria lets out a short laugh.

“Aaron, that’s Robert’s counsellor.”

And just like that, Aaron feels a whole lot lighter. “Wait, what?”

“He’s been going to counselling, and the woman who’s been helping him’s name is Alison.” She moves the carrots into a bowl and she instantly becomes serious again. “As if he could ever get over you.”

“So he’s not seeing anyone?”

“Unlike you and your stupid plan, no, he’s not.” She looks up at him. “He loves  _ you _ , Aaron. Only you. Always you.”

Aaron lets out a relieved sigh and looks back at her. “And I love him. Honestly. I haven’t even gone on a date in almost two weeks because I’m just tired of pretending that I’m moving on. Because I’m not. I don’t want to.”

“But Rob saw you the other day with some guy? And he said he’d seen you two together before…”

Aaron shakes his head. “Henry. Yeah we went on a few dates but I felt bad for leading him on so I basically told him as much. What Robert saw was just us having coffee, as mates.”

Vic smiles. “So you’re done with all of this... dating shit.”

He nods. “Absolutely. I don’t know what I’m doing next, but I’m not giving up. I love him too much.”

She seems happy with that answer.

“You know… if I had to do it all over again, and I mean  _ all  _ of it all over again, I still would. One hundred percent.”

***

Robert didn’t hear much of Aaron and Vic’s conversation. But he heard that last line. But what does that mean for them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well... one more chapter to go... but i promise it's not the end of their journey ;)


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometimes, enough is enough and love is the ultimate answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter alert!!! i hope u all enjoy (& be sure to read the notes at the end please!!!) 💖
> 
> \- eb

**_5 october 2021_ **

Robert swears he knows Aaron’s behind him before he’s even turned around.

“Hiya.” There he is, with that smirk that still makes Robert’s heart do a flip in his chest.

It’s the fifth of October. He wonders if it feels as weird to Aaron as it does to him. He hasn’t really been able to think of much else since he woke up and now he’s at the cafe and who should be standing right behind him, but Aaron. 

“Hey,” His voice isn’t as strong as he would’ve liked it to be, but he’ll have to give himself a break.

“What a day, huh?” Oh, so Aaron is going to acknowledge it. In the cafe. In front of everyone (well, everyone being Rodney, Pearl, Jacob, Leanna, Amba, and Theo). “A really good day. Bit mad how fast time flies by, eh?”

Robert nods, swallowing hard. “Uh, yeah… yeah. It was amazing.”

He doesn’t really know what else to say so he orders his coffee and moves to the side to wait. Aaron does the same.

“You know it’s weird, the last time it was one of our anniversaries, we got back together the next day.” Aaron sounds like he’s musing. And then he laughs. Not in a cruel way, it’s just a nervous, but genuine, kind of chuckle. 

Robert feels his brain scream at him to  _ just get back together with him already! _ But he just smiles in response, because in the middle of the cafe is not exactly the best place. Not when he’s not even sure if Aaron’s single anymore.

***

Aaron didn’t stay long at the cafe and Robert figured he had work or something, but as he’s walking around, he sees him standing. In front of the gazebo. Where they got married.

Robert thinks about going up to him, but Aaron looks so deep in thought that he doesn’t want to disturb him. But however Aaron’s feeling, he thinks he feels the same. He misses it. Them. Being married.

Robert can feel his resistance fading and honestly? He thinks he might be okay with that.

***

It’s evening before he gets back to Keepers that night and Vic’s on the couch, scrolling through her phone.

“How was today?”

He shrugs. “Fine. Just a few meetings. Nothing I can’t handle.”

“Not what I meant Rob.” She looks over to him. “I meant because it’s-”

“I know what day it is, Vic.” He snaps. “Not something I could easily forget.”

She regrets bringing it up now. “Right, sorry.”

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Me too. I didn’t mean to snap at you, it’s just… I don’t know.”

“You miss him.” 

“Yeah.”

She pats the spot on the sofa next to her and he sits down. “Robert, it won’t kill you to let yourself have some happiness, you know?”

He nods slowly, taking a deep breath and letting it out. “I’ve told myself it’s better this way. That the chance of losing him again would kill me and that he deserves better but… the thought of living a life with him only at an arm's distance… I think that would kill me more. I need him, Vic.”

Victoria puts her arm around him and squeezes his shoulder. “I know you do. And he needs you.”

“But he’s been seeing that one guy…”

She shakes her head with a small smile. “Nope. They’re just friends. He told me himself. He doesn’t want to move on. He loves you, my sweet, stupid, stubborn brother. And you love him back. Let it happen, Rob.”

“Maybe you’re right.” Robert feels his heart racing. “Maybe it’s time. Fuck everything else.”

Vic wraps him up in a hug. “There he is.”

Maybe he is selfish. He wants and he wants and he wants. But he thinks it’s time he goes back to taking.

*

**_flashback: 1 march 2021_ **

“Mo’ aminals!” Seb whines as Liv turns the telly off with a sigh.

“Daddy said bedtime ten minutes ago, I’m already pushing it, monkey. We can play more Animal Crossing tomorrow.”

He pouts, looking up at her with those big blue eyes that could make even Cain melt a little bit. “But-”

She shields her eyes. “No buts! Upstairs or the tickle monster’s gonna get ya!”

“Nooooo!” He giggles when she makes it out like she’s going to chase him, before getting herded up the stairs by his aunt.

There’s a knock on the door and Liv hears Aaron yell that he’ll get it so she just ushers Seb into his room, laughing as the three year old continues to protest… in between yawns.

***

“I’m comin’, I’m comin’...” Aaron opens the door. “Vic? What’s up?”

It’s not like it was out of the ordinary for Victoria to show up and of course she’s always welcome at the Mill, but she doesn’t usually come over unannounced at seven o’clock at night.

She looks kind of stunned, like she doesn’t really know how to explain the words that she’s about to say.

And when she does speak, Aaron gets why.

“It’s about Rob.”

“Uh,” He swallows. “Wha- what about him? Has something happened?”

He feels worry pool in his belly, churning. They haven’t heard from Robert in over a year. So something big must’ve happened for there to be any news.

“Well yeah actually,” She lets out an unsure laugh, before quickly reassuring Aaron, “But he’s alright! It’s… it’s not anything bad. Quite the opposite, actually.”

He tilts his head in confusion. “I’m not following, Vic…”

She nods, getting straight to the point. “Well… as it turns out, Robert didn’t kill Lee. There was some sort of accident? At the hospital, but whoever was filing the reports didn’t want this to fall back on them, so they lied and said it was the head injury that caused it.”

Aaron doesn’t know what to say. He feels his mouth go dry.  _ Is _ there anything to say?

“Plus, remember a month or so ago? When a few more of Lee’s victims came forward?”

Aaron nods. It had been a pretty big deal. Obviously they had wished the other women had come forward much sooner, but still, it was huge, especially for Victoria.

“Well I guess Rob’s solicitor was able to build a decent case off of those two things so that he could get him out of prison…”

_Wait…_ Aaron thinks. _Is she saying what I think she’s saying?_

Victoria seems to understand what he’s thinking and nods, small smile on her face. “He’s getting out of there, Aaron. He’s coming home. I’m not sure when exactly, but he is.”

And it’s like Aaron forgets how to breathe for a second. What does this mean? Aaron thought he’d have more time to think about what it’d be like when Robert got out and now what? He has months?  _ Weeks _ to figure it out?

Vic’s words just keep echoing in his ears. 

_ He’s coming home. _

*

**_5 october 2021_ **

Aaron feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulls it out to find a message from Robert.

_ -Meet me at the gazebo in fifteen. We need to talk.- _

All Aaron can hear is the blood rushing in his ears as he types out his response.

_ -Be there soon- _

*

**_flashback: letter (2 april 2021)_ **

_ Dear Aaron, _

_ I don’t know if you know or not yet, but I’m getting out of here. In a few days. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep until I’m out. _

_ I can barely get my own head around it. I mean, I thought I’d be stuck here until I was almost fifty and now I’ll be out after only having served over a year… It doesn’t feel real. I don’t even know what to think, I cut you all off because I thought it’d be over a decade before I saw you again and now… now what? _

_ I keep thinking about what it’ll be like to see you again. I’ve actually dreamed about getting to kiss you again. Not that I should kiss you, I don’t really think I have the right to do that. I mean, I let you go so that you can move on and I want to honor that. I’d hate to mess everything up more than I already have. But… well, it’s just that I’ve only seen your face through pictures for about a year and a half now and I’m not sure I’ll know how to act with you standing right in front of me again. I’m panicking just thinking about it. _

_ It’s not like I can just waltz back into your lives, I know that. I honestly don’t think I could do that if I tried. Not right away at least. Too much has happened.  _

_ All I hope for when I get back is that you’re all happy and doing well. That’s what I want. I don’t care where I am as long as you’re okay. _

_ And well, I guess this is the last letter I’m writing to you. God… I must’ve written like a hundred of these. Maybe less, maybe more, but it definitely feels like I’ve spent all my time in here talking to you. _

_ Love, _

_ Robert _

_ * _

**_5 october 2021_ **

Robert thinks he might throw up. Either that or his heart is literally going to launch itself from his chest. He’s standing in the gazebo, listening to the wind rustle the trees, and wondering how this will go. It’s late, so he doesn’t even know if he’ll be able to see Aaron coming.

But there he is, somehow clear as day in Robert’s eyes. 

“What’s up?” His voice has that gruff tone that Robert finds so endearing.

“I just… I need to say something, so just… please listen.”

Aaron furrows his brows but nods for him to go on.

“I thought I could be the bigger man because I genuinely think you’ll be better off without me but… every time I see you I can’t not go crazy with how much I wanna kiss you. How much I want to be with you. I can’t fucking live without you Aaron. I can’t keep watching the world pass when it’s a world when you and I aren’t together. It hurts too much. I need to be yours. I want to be yours.” He lets out a large echale of breath, tears pricking at his eyes. “And it’d be easier if I thought you hated me, but you’ll mention something good like us singing terribly at our stag do and I can’t help but be so fucking in love with you. And maybe I am selfish for wanting all of this after everything I’ve put you through but I literally don’t know how much longer I can take it. I know I told you to move on but fuck, this being the bigger person thing is draining me, Aaron. I can’t do it anymore.”

Aaron sniffs, wiping at his damp cheek, before standing tall in front of Robert. “Then don’t. Don’t be the bigger man. If we crash and burn again then so be it, I don’t care. I’d risk having to suffer through all the bad just to have the good again.”

“God, I don’t know what to do with all the love I have for you, Aaron.”

Aaron lets out a teary giggle. “That makes two of us.”

“I’m tired of pushing my feelings aside. If that makes me selfish, so be it.” Robert steps closer to Aaron and their hands find each other instantly.

“That’s the man I fell in love with,” Aaron chuckles, breathless. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

Robert rolls his eyes. “I was trying to be a good person, you idiot.”

“I hate it when you do that.”

Lips meet lips. Hands fly to skin to hold, to keep, to ground. It’s a kiss they melt into easily because it just feels right. They’re home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well first off, thank you all so so so much for reading!!! this is the first chaptered fic i've ever actually finished and i'm pretty proud of this baby.   
> secondly, i gotta thank my absolute queen fran, who has read every chapter before it's posted and always gives me wonderful pointers/edits/tips/words of encouragement/you name it. (you can find her @ 2016moonlight on tumblr or @tinochica on twitter!!!) 💓💓💓  
> and finally, i am well aware that there are some loose ends that need tying up (chaddy, the letters, etc) and they WILL be tied up, in the sequel fic. so keep your eyes peeled for "meet me in the afterglow" which is coming soon.
> 
> seriously, thank you all for your support, it means the absolute world to me. i'm truly touched by all of your comments and kudos. i'm so grateful and pleased and yeah, just thank you so, so much 💕💕💕
> 
> \- eb 
> 
> (friendlycitrus on tumblr + @flahertydingle on twitter)

**Author's Note:**

> find me @ liviaflahertys on twitter and/or friendlycitrus on tumblr


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